Psychology

» Angela22 - Letting Go

I am new to this board and this is my first time posting. I think that I may have a very unique issue. It is something I dont discuss in much detail with anyone but my boyfriend of 6 years. I am not sure how to go about changing things in my life at the moment. Just to note, I am currently on anti-depressants which have helped with most of every other issue I have had with depression and anxiety, except for this.

I have a very difficult problem with letting go of the past which started 6 years ago when I graduated High school. The problem has become worse and worse. It is not at the point where I am crying and thinking about the past constantly throughout the day. I know that many people have problems with letting go of bad things that have happened in the past but that is not the problem I have. I have a problem letting go of high school. I never wanted to leave and have been depressed ever since. I get depressed when I think about my highschool, when I pass my highschool, when I look at pictures from then, think about or talk about memories from then. All I want is to go back, and of course that is not possible. I still live in the city where my school is so I have been back a couple times. The last time was about a year ago to pick up a transcript and when I walked out I tried for an hour. I miss the building, the teachers, the events, the friends, my locker and just being a high school student. Of it all I miss being in the actual school and being a high schooler the most. It wasn't just because I had fun (I go out and have just as much a probably more now), I have many of the same friends and also lots of new ones, I graduated college with honors and I am ing graduate school, I work and make good money and I have been in an amazing relationship for 6 years. So its very hard to blame it on anything then this specific issue. All I know is I find myself daydreaming and also dreaming when I sleep of me walking through my school, going to class, hanging out with my friends. I dream of my senior trip, spring break and prom. I think about dances and weekends with groups of friends from school. I also find myself thinking about the things I wish I had done differently but that is not what I think about the most. I obsess constantly about all of these things. Thay are on my mind from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep. I dont want to write too much more detail in this post. If someone has suggesstions or questions I can respond with that. I dont want to go on too long. Just know that this is something I cry about 3 times a day and it has gotten worse and worse as the years have gone by. The fact that I will never go back is the hardest thing for me and it is destroying me that I cannot let go. Mentally, I feel like I am breaking down. Its almost like I would be ok if High School had been horrible,..then I would be happy its over... but instead I had a great time and felt so comfortable there that I cannot give it up....

-- posted by Angela22