Psychology

» Angela22 - Letting Go

I am new to this board and this is my first time posting. I think that I may have a very unique issue. It is something I dont discuss in much detail with anyone but my boyfriend of 6 years. I am not sure how to go about changing things in my life at the moment. Just to note, I am currently on anti-depressants which have helped with most of every other issue I have had with depression and anxiety, except for this.

I have a very difficult problem with letting go of the past which started 6 years ago when I graduated High school. The problem has become worse and worse. It is not at the point where I am crying and thinking about the past constantly throughout the day. I know that many people have problems with letting go of bad things that have happened in the past but that is not the problem I have. I have a problem letting go of high school. I never wanted to leave and have been depressed ever since. I get depressed when I think about my highschool, when I pass my highschool, when I look at pictures from then, think about or talk about memories from then. All I want is to go back, and of course that is not possible. I still live in the city where my school is so I have been back a couple times. The last time was about a year ago to pick up a transcript and when I walked out I tried for an hour. I miss the building, the teachers, the events, the friends, my locker and just being a high school student. Of it all I miss being in the actual school and being a high schooler the most. It wasn't just because I had fun (I go out and have just as much a probably more now), I have many of the same friends and also lots of new ones, I graduated college with honors and I am ing graduate school, I work and make good money and I have been in an amazing relationship for 6 years. So its very hard to blame it on anything then this specific issue. All I know is I find myself daydreaming and also dreaming when I sleep of me walking through my school, going to class, hanging out with my friends. I dream of my senior trip, spring break and prom. I think about dances and weekends with groups of friends from school. I also find myself thinking about the things I wish I had done differently but that is not what I think about the most. I obsess constantly about all of these things. Thay are on my mind from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep. I dont want to write too much more detail in this post. If someone has suggesstions or questions I can respond with that. I dont want to go on too long. Just know that this is something I cry about 3 times a day and it has gotten worse and worse as the years have gone by. The fact that I will never go back is the hardest thing for me and it is destroying me that I cannot let go. Mentally, I feel like I am breaking down. Its almost like I would be ok if High School had been horrible,..then I would be happy its over... but instead I had a great time and felt so comfortable there that I cannot give it up....

-- posted by Angela22

» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Letting Go

Angela,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and struggle. It sounds like you've been going through a rough time since high school. If it makes you feel better, I think many people have a hard time letting go of the past. It comes out in different ways: fear of commitment because you (not YOU, Angela, but the generic you) got hurt in the past, or fear of rejection, or fear of quitting your job and going back to school for an upgraded diploma.

Angela, if I were you, I'd go talk to a counselor who can help you see why you're fixated on the past. Maybe your current life isn't fulfilling, or maybe you need help accepting the past and moving on. Crying three times a day is a very sad, hard place to be -- and I don't know if it can be fixed on its own.

Another option is going to the library and getting books about letting go, dealing with regret, putting the past behind you, moving on, and so on. Get tools to help you stop ruminating and start living for today and your future -- otherwise you'll miss out on your life.

Let me know what you decide to do -- counseling, or books, or both.

Warm regards -- I'm sending positive energy and hope your way,
Laurie