Psychology

» violetta28 - am I dating a bipolar?

I am very new to this thread and to the subject on bipolar , but I wonder if the guy I'm dating is.
I've been dating my boyfriend who I met online for 4 months in a long distance relationship. We see each other every other weekend. He has been extremely loving and his humor is what initially captivated my heart, I fell head over heels for him, he always knew what to say and make me feel beautiful inside and out. His intellect intrigues me.
I noticed a couple of things that most of us would see as red flags. One night he called me hysterical crying he could barely talk, saying he didn't want to live anymore. I was shaken up, crazy thoughts went through my mind and I felt helpless because we are so far away from each other. He finally hung up the phone and apparently shut it off. I tried calling a few times but wasn't able to speak to him until the next day- he was in a completely different mood, totally happy. I asked him what that phone call was about and that I was not able to sleep all night after the call. He said "What phone call?" till this day he claims he doesn't remember calling me. My boyfriend is not a drinker, nor does he do drugs and claims to be religious. There is yet alot I don't know about him I'm sure, as I've only seen him a few times in the past 4 months.
Another incident was a comment he made to me that if I ever left him, he'd put a gun to his head. I didn't comment on it but was very taken back by it and it bothers me till this day as this is not normal behavior.
About 1 month ago, I come to find out that he was living a double life, dating me and his other girlfriend of 2 years. I came across her profile and couldn't believe what I was seing. All of the same comments he would post on my page, he had been posting on hers under a different profile, not the profile that I had met him on. I was in total shock I almost threw up on my keyboard. So I decided to send her a message telling her that they boyfriend she had described as the most wonderful man, wasn't so wonderful after all. After a few email communications, I find out that the man I had fallen for, didn't exist. I met him as a military soldier who had fought in 2 tours and had lost his sister to cancer while in Iraq. This was the gateway that connected me to him, as my mom has cancer so I immediately felt comfortable giving him my # so we could chat and support one another.
We talked for hours and several times every day on the phone before we met which was about 2 months after he initially befriended me online. He discussed his plans for the future with me, and that once he was honorably dismissed from the military this May, that he was moving to my state to live with me. Everything seemed perfect, he was in many ways everything I always wanted, and although I know I could do much better than him looks wise, his personality had won me over.
After communicating with his girlfriend of 2 years, I find out that these were all lies, that he was never in the military and that he doesn't have a sister!!! I have been so distraught since with a wide range of mixed emotions.
Of course I called him and comfronted him and he admitted to everything as if it was no big deal. I was so disgusted with his behavior. How could anyone in their right mind portray themselves the way he did and carry out with all the lies so well, it reminded me of a well thought movie script, I even told him he should be in Hollywood for the amazing act he put on for 3 months! I took sometime off to think, basically sent him to hell and told him to never contact me again. Of course he tried contacting me several times, but I declined to respond and told him to leave me alone.
A few days later, I found myself totally confused, I realized that I had totally fallen in love with a man that didn't exist in a way. I was angry, distraught, hurt, and the betrayal and deceit was too painful for me to bear. I spoke with a couple of my friends and asked how in the world does someone seek closure to something like this? I had alot of questions, of course about who he really is and why would he do such a thing?
So I decided to call him and ask him about all the lies and why would he make up a story about a deceased sister that never existed? I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, because I actually went to a church and sat with a priest in an attempt to make arrangements for a memorial mass in his sister's honor. He even made up a name for her, OMG it's totally crazy. Today, knowing she never existed is totally mind boggling to me, I don't know how to process it.
I finally called him one last time and told him that I would only ask one thing of him, and that was for him to be completely honest with me about everything for once in his life, about who is, his intentions with me and his relationship of 2 years with his now ex girlfriend. He said, no problem, I will be honest about anything you ask. So of course the first thing I asked was, why in the world would he make up a story about his deceased sister and go to the lenghts he did? He said he didn't know and doesn't understand why he did it, and that he wished he could give me an answer. So I asked him, if that wasn't your sister in the picture, then who was it in the pictures he had posted, he said it was an exgirlfriend. I guess something about that relationship was traumatizing to him, I don't know what happened. He said they were too young and they split up. I also asked why he portrayed himself to be in the military when he wasn't. He said he doesn't understand why he did it but did admit that he was dishonorably discharged from the Military for doing drugs when he was younger and that he really regrets it. I guess this also traumatized him.
Anyways, time passed and he tried and tried contacting me. One day about 3 weeks ago I decided to respond in an effort to play a revengeful act (i don't know what but I wanted revenge). I decided to txt him back and he asked if he could call me. We ended up talking and he pleaded for my forgiveness over and over while he cried and cried for hours. As crazy as it was, I felt his pain and the love I felt for him, started to take over my reasonable thinking, so I agreed to meet with him and talk about things. I wanted to see him so bad, is this crazy? After all I did fall in love with him and he claims he wasn't happy with his ex for a long time and that he realized that he had fallen for me and was planning on leaving her all along. When we saw each other, it was awkward but it felt nice to hug him. We talked for hours and I gave in. We ended up having an amazing weekend together but of course, the issue still lies there. I wonder what possessed him to make up all those lies, he says he's depressed and takes anti anxiety meds (Alprazolam-generic for Xanax) He also finally admitted to having been prescribed lithium which I find in my research, given to people that suffer from bipolar. He says he never takes it, only when he needs it which I also find can do more harm than good.
Since, I have decided to try to work things out. My friends dont' understant it and why I would take him back knowing that I would have serious trust issues with him. Basically, what he did was unforgiveable, but I also believe that the heart sometimes see what the eyes don't and so I have decided to forgive him and try to work things out as he is trying to show me and introduce me to everyone in his life.
Is this delusional behavior normal for bipolar people?

-- posted by violetta28