Psychology

» southpawgirl - I think my ex-boyfriend is bipolar

Up until a month ago I was seeing a great guy who very much pursued me from the beginning. He was very loving, I felt immediately comfortable with him and we rarely even disagreed on things much less argue.

After spending a couple of weekends away with each other's families together, I returned home after not seeing him for a week. We made elaborate plans as to what to do that evening and when I arrived at the restaurant he broke up with me.

This was a total shock. Just a few days ago he'd left a loving voicemail on my cell phone explaining how he was thinking about me, didn't plan his vacation very well as he would still like to be at the coast with my family and I, and that he loved me and I was so important to him.

Three days later, he broke up with me because he was "broken" and didn't see us having the same goals. I asked him how much of this was me and how much of this was his depression (he had told me he suffered from "depression" in the past). He said "both". When I asked him if he could give examples of what about me he didn't think was compatible with his goals he said "he didn't like to get dressed up" and then proceeded to say I'm sorry and that he was broken again and again.

A few days later I decided I couldn't live with such a vague discussion as it was totally out of the blue and made no sense. After prodding him via email he first gave me a very formal and distant reply answering none of my questions, saying he'd moved on with his life, and then said he wanted to be friends.

When I responded worried, because the language didn't even sound like him, he informed me that for the last three months he had been "flirting" while out alone and that he kissed someone recently. Then he said he was pining for his ex girlfriend and that just now he realized how he had hurt her.

To give you a bit of background on him and his behavior.

His house is a mess - always. He is unable to focus on any project long enough to get it done.

We never talked about finances but he is always broke and I don't know where the money even goes. He always gets cash from the ATM and I never see him with a credit card which I believe is because he can no longer apply for one.

He has problems sleeping and food is of little interest - he forgets to eat entirely.

He drinks to excess as a way to calm himself.

He talks wildly at times.

For days he will "disappear" when he goes into a depressive state. He has told me he calls in sick for work and doesn't want to talk to anyone.

He has an enormous sex drive.

Once he flirted in front of me so hard with one of my friends while he was drunk I had to call him out on him as it was making her and me uncomfortable. His response to me was that he was a flirt and I knew it and to deal with it. The next day I called him to say that if that ever happened again I was gone, that his behavior was totally unacceptable to me and that I had a no tolerance policy towards that behavior. It took him two days to come back to me with a sort of apology. He had to really think about it to see that he was wrong in the scenario.

He talks about really inappropriate things at times in front of my family and friends. It's like he has no filtering system where he'll talk to my friends about his ex-wife in detail in front of me and none of us want to hear it. Or brag about his more promiscuous navy days in front of my father. Gross!

He has talked to a therapist off and on in the past but never stuck with anyone and basically went only once when a crisis struck. Therefore, he has not been consistent enough with it to get medication or even be diagnosed.

I confronted him with the idea that I thought he displayed all of the signs and was this ever discussed in therapy and he acted like I was the crazy one for suggesting it.

I've read discussions on these boards before from people dating bipolars and they could have been my story over and over again.

Is he bipolar and what do you do when someone won't even entertain the idea?

-- posted by southpawgirl