Psychology

» Linz86 - Looking for absolution

Good Morning,

I'm here to seek absolution... I am a 21 year old female youngest of 3 and only girl, who grew up with a mother who suffers from BPD.
My father was killed when I was 10 and when I was 16 I was emancipated from her custody, then when I was 19 had to put a restraining order (peace-bond in canada) against her because I feared for my safety and well being.
This woman has taken me for the longest emotional rollar-coaster ride of my life, yet I somehow feel compelled to empathize and pitty her. How can a woman whom birthed 3 children her own flesh and blood be as malicious, vindictive and just outright malevolent to her kin. I haven't talked to my mother in nearly 2 years, and if i had to entail my entire story to you i'd be here for days.... There were times when i wished she would just hit me, the things she would say, the things she would do and for no particular reason at all...
I am looking for an outlet to direct my experiences as well as looking for some support and answers into this disorder. I would really like to share some stories with other people who have been exposed to this disorder.

-- posted by Linz86

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» pink101 - Looking for absolution

In response to Looking for absolution posted by Linz86:
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The only person I knew with BPD was an in-law.
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I know that life was made miserable for many due to that situation.
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(absolution)
# noun: the act of absolving or remitting; formal redemption as pronounced by a priest in the sacrament of penance
# noun: the condition of being formally forgiven by a priest in the sacrament of penance
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Do those oppressed with the disorder own such conflicting views of reality that they are unable to interact with consistency?
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Can you be forgiven for something another person has imagined into existence?
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Do you discover any truths worth sharing here?
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-- posted by pink101

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Looking for absolution

In response to Looking for absolution posted by Linz86:

A BPD support group might be great for you, Linz! I was just reading the other day that connecting with people who have experienced similar life events helps you recover in SO many ways. You don't feel alone, ashamed, or as upset and angry. You hear other real-live stories and can relate, empathize, and sympathize.

I really hope others respond to your posting. Even if you don't find BPD survivors here on Suite or another discussion board -- maybe you want to consider an in-person support group?

I have no personal experience with BPD, but my mom is schizophrenic. She was never cruel to us, just totally detached. Neglectful. As an adult, I now LOVE getting advice from others because my mom never told me how to do anything! I guess I see advice as a form of caring and love.

I also went for counseling for a year -- hardest and best thing I ever did. Counselors can objectively show you what's gripping you and how to let go. They often tell you you're not alone, many people struggle with similar things. They "normalize" your experiences, which makes you feel good, normal, and sane! Healthy.

Linz, I hope you can get off the rollar-coaster and find the absolution you're looking for. I'm not sure what you mean by that - do you mean freedom?

It's your mom's ride -- not yours. She only has the power to control you if you give it to her.

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» pink101 - Looking for absolution

In response to Looking for absolution posted by Linz86:

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It looks to me that your mother is the one who needs absolution.
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Who can give it?
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-- posted by pink101

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» billco56 - Looking for absolution

In response to Looking for absolution posted by Linz86:

Hey Muggy, It's a funny thing, this psychology... once you have all the answers, all the questions change. Look at yourself, and apply some personal growth... it will certainly go far to help you understand the part you play in it all. You can change you, nobody else.

Forgive yourself, then, try a bit of honesty. It's amazing what will happen.

-- posted by billco56

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