Psychology

» redback - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:

Tis my cynical duty to inform you all things come with 'terms and conditions' be it in plain English or words that need a highly skilled barrister to work through. Even then, there needs to be an extra condition of trust by one or both.

I shudder at the Wikepedia definition. I think UPR tis a clumsy term and probably inconsistently understood/applied.

Here is an interesting examination involving "unwilling" clients:
http://members.optusnet.com.au/dwillsh/u...

I was told by a senior social worker that he interviewed a woman who told him in the strictest of confidence, she was defrauding the very agency he was employed at where he was duty bound to report it. Are there unconditional terms of engagement before professional 'love' sets in?

I'd really have to see a skilled UPR practioner in action before commenting. Certainly, I can't see getting unconditional love from a person who gets a fee from me.

'Unconditional' by definition means it can't be checked for compliance. So, do you have faith you can do it? This thing that says "I love you unconditionally but I hate what you are doing" is what...limited to agape love??????????

-- posted by redback

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by redback:

Well, with the fee thing (paying a social worker or therapist) -- there's a difference between unconditional positive regard and unconditional love. The more positive regard they offer, the more the client will open up.
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I guess all love has conditions. We do have to behave in certain ways to keep the love flowing.....but even if we behave "perfectly" the love could dry up. And if we misbehave (abuse our partners or kids), the love could still keep flowing.
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Ain't love grand!

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» redback - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:

What's that up on the road...a...head?

My brain is rusty on umbrella terms now. I don't want love with my psychologist unconditionally. Connect the dots please.

Remember the old truism: "Sincerity: if you can fake it, you've got it made." and ponder the risk with a total stranger at your first session, even your third.

There's professionalism that turns to leaving biased or judgemental attitudes and anecdotal fears etc..at home. If the alleged root cause of the client's "today problems" can be traced to a lack of love as a child per the theory, then who says they want an emotionally supportive or real cuddle from that specific counsellor at the counsellor's timing? Empathy and sympathy can lead to different outcomes.

If all this is same-o same-o just with a new label, OK. But I've always believed in starting with an open mind. That way, I can "actively" listen (not just hear) and not jump in prematurely with my answers, rather than theirs.

"Ain't love grand!" Is that in $AUD or $US? ABC
However it is in practice, love is invariably self-inflicted injury...and I've room for a few more bruises.

-- posted by redback

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by redback:

Isn't love injury inflicted by OTHERS?

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» redback - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:

Laurie. You need to speak Strine. A baby is a self-inflicted injury. Who made the decision to have it? Ergo whatever it does from that point on....

Love is self-inflicted. And it's OK to love babies with or without condition.

Sometimes we need to accept responsibility for our own actions. If I hand you a baseball bat (love) to hit me over the head with...when is it not my fault?

I want you to snuggle in with me on this one. Just 'cause love is self inflicted, doesn't make it all wrong. Sadists and masochists need mates too.

-- posted by redback

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by redback:

Maybe when you love someone,you hand over the bat AND the band-aid?
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Not every woman decides to have children....sometimes it's a cultural expectation. Growing up with that expectation doesn't give you many options. Perhaps that's why there's so many neglected, abused, unwanted kids. It's not always a choice, and it's not often unconditional.

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» pink101 - To Have Been or Not To Have Been

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:
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Perhaps that's why there's so many neglected, abused, unwanted kids.
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Mostly, it's better to have been abused than not to have been at all.
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-- posted by pink101

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» redback - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:

"Perhaps that's why there's so many neglected, abused, unwanted kids. It's not always a choice, and it's not often unconditional."

I can do light-hearted or heavy.

I'm not sure what is really meant by "unconditional" when others use the term. "I'll love you forever" and "I'll always care for you even if you need nursing care" as per my elderly neighbours yesterday...is only unconditional intent. It needs to withstand more time than it took to say it.

Do we need an EQUAL relationship or one where the inequality is highly compatible? A masochist and sadist?

"Growing up with that expectation doesn't give you many options."

List them out and see the tensions with 'comfort zones'. This is topical. We're in election mode. One aspirant for high office, Julia Gillard, was told her decision to be deliberately barren rendered her ineligible to be Prime Minister. By a male ratbag senior minister (incapable of motherhood) who is close friends with the Prime Minister.

How many people successfully move away from the "options" others try to impose on them? I for one, clearly know the consequence of failure but there is a consequence of success too that needs just a tad more attention.

-- posted by redback

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by redback:

The consequence of success...being money, fame, satisfaction, and personal fulfillment?

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» redback - unconditional love?

In response to unconditional love? posted by LauriePK:

I'm sure some measure success by money and fame. But I was thinking simply more about coming out the other side of a challenge or problem OK rather than it always being a negative experience. The "satisfaction" or "personal fulfilment" you mention.

-- posted by redback

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