During marital conflict, it's her health that suffers. Men ruminate less, take less responsibility, & don't focus on marriage as a major source of life satisfaction.
Resolving marital conflict is a big part of being married - which is why discussing premarital questions are key!
Ironically, marital conflict can be healthy for the relationship even as it's unhealthy for wives. Of course this depends on how the arguments are resolved and how well she deals with marital stress. he health effects of marital conflict are cumulative – which means they build up over time and can do long-term damage.
How marital conflict affects health
You feel your blood pressure rise and your heart rate increase when you have an argument with your spouse, don't you? Your breathing accelerates, your voice gets louder, and your emotions are poised and ready to spiral out of control. Marital conflict affects your body.
Stress hormones are released during conflict. Those hormones damage your immune and endocrine systems, which is unhealthy for all aspects of your physical health. The immune system can be lowered for several hours after marital conflict, making you more vulnerable to colds, viruses, and other illnesses. If marital conflict is a constant presence in your life, your overall cardiovascular health may suffer – especially if you're approaching the winter of your life (say, in your 60's or older).
This is all related to wives in particular. Husbands don't suffer the same health consequences during marital conflict.
Why women are more affected by marital conflict
1. Women view emotional relationships as extremely important. Women tend to rate positive relationships as very high on a life satisfaction scale. Good connections with others offer a sense of well-being and support; marital conflict affects women more than men. Men, on the other hand, experience their relationships as less important to their overall life satisfaction. American men particularly rate independence and personal growth above relationships as sources of fulfillment, which means they're less likely to be affected by marital conflict.
2. Women tend to take more personal responsibility. Because women have an instinct to nurture and take care of others, they feel distress when they're faced with marital conflict. Wives are more tuned in to the ups and downs of the marriage. They're more emotional, which affects their physical health.
3. Women ruminate more. They think about marital conflict, reviewing who said what in their minds and with their friends. Simply recalling an argument brings the same physical effects as the actual argument, which means the immune system and negative health effects are produced even when marital conflict happened yesterday or last year.
How to lessen the effects of marital conflict
Wives, if you tend to focus on marital conflict, stop! Retrain your brain to think positively. Focus on the things that lighten your mood and lift your heart, not those that bring you down. Not only will your health benefit; your mood, attitude, and interactions with people will take an upward spiral as well. Marital conflict may even lighten.
Husbands, research shows that men who display empathy and kindness during marital conflict can positively affect their wives' health. Do her a favor: show her your best side during a fight. Do that, and you'll be doing yourself an even bigger favor!
If you found Marital Conflict interesting, you may want to read:
The copyright of the article Health Effects of Marital Conflict in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Health Effects of Marital Conflict in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Men, are you offended by the beginning of my article on Marital Conflict? Specifically, I state that: "Men ruminate less, take less responsibility, & don't focus on marriage as a major source of life satisfaction." - It's supported by research (tho I suppose almost anything can be), but I wondered later if it could cause hackles to rise.
May 7, 2007 9:18 AM
Pink :
. I didn't think it offensive. . Are you familiar with the idea of cathection? . The idea is that a chain of thoughts is set off and the subject is unable to intercept it. They get carried away by their libido in an uncontrollable fashion. . Sometimes ruminating, the idea of chew your cud again and again, gets confused with resentment building. .
May 7, 2007 8:47 PM
redback :
Nothing your pages offend me (yet :) ) but I did a double take when I thought I read: 'men urinate less' until I took my glasses off. ABC
<i>"It's supported by research (tho I suppose almost anything can be), but I wondered later if it could cause hackles to rise."</i>
Show me the research and better, peer review collating and analysing the myriad research papers on this topic...and probably 3 main sub-groups emerge. Not always equally one-third. (gazes fondly at a 5-cent piece)
And call me silly, I have this profound hope, many men, even outside the USA, care more than what's accepted from US-based research. :)
If men are "better off" in terms of (insert), then how relevant is that to women and what's needed? If it is all true, have women, since Eve, set unrealistic expectations...so what's needed? This needn't be a race to show who bears the biggest scars the longest, should it? Darn, it is...for public health funding.
Max Miller once sang: <i>"I like the girls who do I like the girls who don't, I like the girls who say they will and then they say they won't But the girl I like the best of all...and I think you'll say I'm right Is the girl who says she never does but she looks as tho' she might."</i>
Call me old fashioned, but are you telling me girls are all the same? ABC
May 8, 2007 7:02 PM
Pink :
. When I was a boy of about 15 I picked up an interesting book in a store on my way home from school. . The title was, Out of Line, and it was a book of cartoons about the problems between men and women. They were all line drawings; pen and ink. The artist did the entire cartoon without ever lifting his pen from the paper. The illustration was one long line. One picture, in particular, comes to mind. It shows a man on a horse in opposition to a woman on a horse. They both have a long spear and they facing each other off. The entire scene is on a bed. . We are who we are because of all the choices we have made up and until this moment. What other force could possibly have had an effect on who it is that we have come to be? If we chose Jesus it is because he is presented to us as an option. Otherwise, we don't know about him. . That's when we come face to face with the question, What is the value of making a choice for Jesus? Why? What are the issues involved? Forget all the falderow of doctrine, etc.. . Is this a place where one might expect to get a reasoned answer to an honest question? .
May 9, 2007 6:43 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Maybe you're old-fashioned, maybe not....but women, like men, have common characteristics. Take body image, for instance, or prioritizing personal relationships. Women seem to be "stronger" in those areas (and simultaneously and ironically weaker). - Pink, I'm starting a new thread with your Jesus comments below. Maybe you'll get a reasoned answer, maybe not. But it'll at least be clear (in the sense of separated from the marital conflict discussion! although of course Jesus and conflict could be intertwined in any good or bad marriage....)
