Psychology

» stardom - fears of change

I an currently in the the process of a divorce. I have been in a abusive relationship for almost eight years. never physical but emotional and mental. I am full of anger and fear. fear of the change and anger because i dtill love him and want him to change. I am in a 12 step program and I hope for him to get it. I am learning to detach and try to move on with my life. I have stuffed my feelings for so long and did not deal with all the affairs and verbal abuse. My husband is a very sick man and is into his disease reallly bad. So i always put him first and in the process i lost myself. Trying to change my old behavior and move forward is hard. Trying not to blame myself for staying in this marriage for so long. Anyone out there ever dealt with this? would love to here info on detachment and letting go. When you still love that person but know it's best to move on.

-- posted by stardom

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - fears of change

In response to fears of change posted by stardom:

Good for you for being in the 12 step program, and for dealing with your feelings! Probably the hardest thing is to let go of your hopes for your marriage - and stop wanting to change him. You can only change yourself, and take care of your own future and dreams and goals.

You did the best you could in your marriage, and there's no point in blaming yourself for anything. It's not your fault.

Now, your focus could be on making yourself healthy, figuring out who you are, and moving on.....

How do you move on?? In practical ways, I mean. Hmmm.....I'm thinking and will come back to you......

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - letting go, moving on

In response to fears of change posted by LauriePK:

I wrote about letting go and saying good-bye (link below), and the two first suggestions are the most important. I'm struggling with letting go of my sister, who hasn't returned my calls for over a year (obviously lots of drama there). I've personally found that accepting that I couldn't have done anything differently and forgiving myself for my mistakes are crucial in letting go of the past.

Accepting yourself, your past, and releasing the burden of guilt and pain is SO freeing! It's easier to remain trapped in the mire of blame, regret, disappointment, loss - lots of negative stuff - but the release of letting go is phenomenal (and hard, and has to be done daily).

http://psychology.suite101.com/article.c...

What do you think?

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