Psychology

» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - What makes it different from fear of commitment?

It amazes me that you can be married for literally decades, and still not be intimate with someone. I know of a couple who've been married for over 50 years and still haven't discussed a particular issue. She's been stewing about it for 5 whole decades, and never felt it was a good time to bring it up.

The commitment is there, the intimacy is not.

Any tips for initiating and sustaining intimacy? I know we have some really intelligent people out there.....

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» pink101 - What makes it different from fear of commitment?

In response to What makes it different from fear of commitment? posted by LauriePK:
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"I know we have some really intelligent people out there....."
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Oh, oh!
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I better not say anything. One of them will get me for my stupidity.
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:)
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-- posted by pink101

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» pink101 - Anyway

In response to What makes it different from fear of commitment? posted by LauriePK:
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I don't think my ideas have much to do with intelligence other than the fact that I'm very experienced compared to most people. I say that because I am 75 years old.
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OK.
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Learn to accept yourself for who it is that you truly are at your core being. Get intimate with yourself.
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-- posted by pink101

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» pink101 - And

In response to Anyway posted by pink101:
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And,
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Most important.
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Work at accepting yourself for who you are.
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That's for starters.
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How can you accept another if you haven't, yet, accepted yourself?
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Intimacy requires acceptance.
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-- posted by pink101

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Accepting Others

In response to And posted by pink101:

How do you accept other people? I always knew I was critical of others, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized HOW critical I can be! I was told being critical pushes people away, and saves you from being vulnerable and opening yourself up.
I've been working on being less critical. Any pointers on how to be more accepting of both myself and others, and less judgmental?

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» pink101 - Accepting Others

In response to Accepting Others posted by LauriePK:
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I'm reading a great little book about that very subject.
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Its, "Where There's A Will, There's A Way, or, All I really Need to Know, I learned from Shakespeare". It's written by Lauire maguire.
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http://brookline.booksense.com/NASApp/st...
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I'm only 56 pages into it; but, it's a great book. Read that short review.
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I have an idea you'll like the book.
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-- posted by pink101

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» pink101 - Pretty Nice Person

In response to Accepting Others posted by pink101:
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Should be Laurie Maguire.
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How do you accept other people?
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Most people have great difficulty operating outside their expectations. Right?
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I think the problem is cultural and not so much an individual thing. We live in a society that teaches us we own our relationships and, so, we think we have a right that others will live up to standards we set.
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I always knew I was critical of others, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized HOW critical I can be!
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A couple thoughts from the book.
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"Friends are God's apologies for family."
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"Get married, lose a friend."
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I was told being critical pushes people away, and saves you from being vulnerable and opening yourself up.
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You don't know yourself until you open up. Sometimes our rules work against us.
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I've been working on being less critical. Any pointers on how to be more accepting of both myself and others, and less judgmental?
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That's a tough one, isn't it? But, you don't have a lot of choices when it comes to accepting yourself, do you? You had better accept yourself. You are probably a pretty nice person.
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Did you have a pretend playmate when you were a little girl? The author talks about that in her book.
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-- posted by pink101

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Accepting Others

In response to Accepting Others posted by pink101:

Thanks for the tip -- I'll look for it!

I didn't have a pretend playmate when I was a kid. How does that relate to accepting yourself and others?

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» pink101 - Accepting Others

In response to Accepting Others posted by LauriePK:
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I recently read that 50% or so of women have make believe playmates as children.
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The playmate is with them 24/7. Sits next to them at meals, sleeps with them, plays with them, everything. Sometime around 7 years, they say goodbye to their pretend partner.
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The paper I read claimed that it is a healthy thing for the child and helps them sort out their own value as a person. They teach their playmate the rules and make sure their playmate does as it is told.
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Little boys also have make believe playmates but the percentages are down to about 25%.
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I wonder what will happen if I key that into my yahoo search engine. I'll try it and let you know.
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Well, I keyed it in and got 38 links some more interesting than others. But, it is a fact.
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Check it out.
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-- posted by pink101

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