Psychology

» pink101 - T. M. Mills

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T. M. Mills, Ph.D, Harvard University, Professor of Sociology and Director of the Center for the Study of Human Groups, State University of New York and Buffalo (circa 1980s), postulates that human beings form and operate in groups for the following classification of orders of purpose:
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1. immediate gratification; 2. sustenance of conditions permitting gratification; 3. pursuit of a collective goal; 4. self-determination; and 5. growth.
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Freinds are members of a friendship group. There can be 2 or more members in any particular group of friends. If we are to assign the above five purposes to any group, doesn't it make sense that the friendship group would include all five? So, wouldn't a friend support the idea that their friends should be able to let go of the ties between them for purposes of self-determination and growth? As such, doesn't it make sense the the collective goal would be for the growth of the other?
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That is, if we are to buy Mills' postulation.
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Just thought these ideas should be in the mix of the articles and discussions on friends.

-- posted by pink101

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - purpose of friendship

In response to T. M. Mills posted by pink101:

I do wonder about #5: growth. I don't necessarily think all friendships permit growth. What about those friends who aren't interested in personal growth or insight - perhaps they just want to play poker to get manicures together? Ideally, the goal of friendship is growth - individual and collective - but realistically the wrong combo of friends could drag you right down. To the depths.

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» pink101 - purpose of friendship

In response to purpose of friendship posted by LauriePK:
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Thanx for your direct response to my post.
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I DO think we have to focus in on each step as being in order of priority.
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1. immediate gratification; 2. sustenance of conditions permitting gratification; 3. pursuit of a collective goal; 4. self-determination; and 5. growth.
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The idea of each is not necessarily what one might think.
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Let's suppose you and I start out in a relationship. You think you might like me and I think I might like you. Each of us wants something and we help each other get it (#1). Remembering that what I want might be different than what you want; but, we work together to get what each of us wants through some reciprocity. And, we are able to subsequently work things out so that we can conrtinue being satisfied in the attainment of our desires (#2). Great!
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But, how are we able to establish a collective goal? This might be the first real test of our relationship.
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-- posted by pink101

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» Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - purpose of friendship

In response to purpose of friendship posted by pink101:

Is the collective goal stated (eg, let's meet every week to run so we get fit) or unstated (we just always seem to gossip about people or complain about our jobs or partners for hours on end). Maybe the first real test is not how to establish it, but rather what the goal is. Unhealthy goals may be a strong foundation for a friendship.

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