Psychologist Roger Hock explains how obsessive-compulsive behavior can be related to unmet goals. What happens when we don't achieve our goals as quickly as we'd like?

Believe it or not, giving up on your goals can actually help you succeed. Psychologist Roger Hock tells us how. Plus, learn what happens when goals become obsessions.

Roger Hock is the Director of Psychology at Mendocino College; the courses he teaches include Introductory Psychology, Human Sexuality, and Abnormal Psychology. He has written several books, such as Forty Studies That Changed Psychology: Explorations Into the History of Psychological Research, Human Sexuality and It’s My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence (co-authored with Meg Kennedy Dugan).

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen: What happens when we don’t achieve our goals as quickly as we’d like?

Roger Hock: Unmet goals are related to the well-researched principle of frustration, which occurs when a person's progress toward a desired goal is blocked. An unmet goal can be as simple as being unable to find food when hungry to as complex as unreachable relationship and career goals. The barrier may be internal or external; the responses to frustration are many and varied.

When we become frustrated, we choose from a variety of responses: aggression, disengaging from the goal, persistence, withdrawal (to stop the goal-directed behavior), depression (the helplessness stemming from failure).

On a more positive note, unmet goals can also lead to compromise (settling for a satisfying, but smaller goal) or problem-solving (finding new and creative routes to reach the unmet goal).

LPK: When do goals become obsessions?

RH: A goal can become an obsession when it is irrationally pursued. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a well-known psychological disorder that relates to goals that are irrationally pursued.

Some people seem more prone to obsessive behavior than others. Why? That’s a current debate relating to the ever-present biological-environmental (nature versus nurture) issue. Obsessive behavior is probably an interaction of our genes and our upbringing – but which of these is the more powerful force is still up for grabs.

Goals become obsessions when a person mistakenly believes he or she can achieve that goal. An irrational obsession about a specific goal is, by definition, unhealthy. The extent to which this "impossible-goal" directed behavior interferes with the person's effectiveness in life is a measure of the pathology of the behavior.

LPK: Some people seem to experience very little anxiety when they quit goals. How do people become "good quitters"?

RH: Good question, but I don't think anyone is a "good quitter." It boils down to the fact that we can more easily quit our progress to a goal that means less to us than some other more important goal. People feel similar levels of frustration when their unmet goals are equal in importance.

That said, some people cope with frustration better than others, just as some people cope with various life challenges better than others. Coping with frustration is an individual difference among us. My guess is (and this is just a guess) that people who are more well-adjusted in life overall, probably cope with "failure" to reach a goal better than those who are less well-adjusted.

LPK: How can giving up on your goals help you succeed?

RH: Quitting isn’t always perceived as negative. Most of us know someone who has worked toward a goal for years. We see how that person is relieved once they redirect themselves away from that goal, and how satisfying his or her life becomes.

Quitting is part of the larger picture of succeeding. You learn this through experience, social influence, and, sometimes, counseling.

For a list of Roger Hock’s book publications, visit Amazon.com

If you found When Goals Become Obsessions helpful, you might try:

• Letting Go Of Unachievable Goals
• Signs & Symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Motivation to Achieve Your Goals