The Best Way to Meet New People
Singles Dating Advice from a Relationship Expert
A relationship expert and counselor reveals the best way to meet new people, and why meeting this way works. Here's a Q and A about singles dating and relationships.
Relationship expert Dawn Schooler is the Clinical Director of Jericho Professional Counselling Services in Vancouver, BC. In her experience counseling hundreds of couples and keeping up with dating research, she’s found one of the best ways to meet new people – and one of the worst ways for singles to meet new people.
Here’s her singles dating advice.
What’s your advice for singles about the best way to meet new people?
My general advice is for people to work on themselves first. While this may be a bit of a stereotype, it does seem to fit. When individuals are living an authentic life, doing the things that genuinely make them happy, are socially functional, have solid relationships with other friends and family, and have dependable job prospects, they are much more likely to attract a mate with similar qualities. My singles dating advice involves living authentically.
Do you have specific advice for singles dating?
If you're interested in meeting new people, send fewer text messages and make more phone calls. Spend less time downloading music for your iPod and spend more time listening to live music with friends. When you want to meet new people, spend less time in Internet chat rooms or on Internet social websites like MySpace or Facebook, and more time with real live people. Our current culture encourages too much isolation. If you want to meet new people, focus on connecting with others in more meaningful ways. This will ultimately lead to better possibilities for intimate, enduring, romantic relationships.
Is there a difference between meeting people at a nightclub versus doing an activity you both enjoy?
Yes. Research has shown that the atmosphere of a dance or nightclub activates human physiology and brain activity in such a way as to encourage us to connect with people who might not otherwise be as attractive to us or as appropriate for us to pursue. In loud nightclubs, with music blaring, lights flashing, not to mention alcohol flowing, our physiology can literally lead us to make very poor decisions about the people we meet. This is definitely not the best way to meet new people.
Conversely, when we meet people while we’re both engaged in something that we enjoy doing, we are much more likely to make better decisions. We already know something about the other individual: he/she enjoys doing an activity that we enjoy. We start off on a common ground and this is typically an essential part of enduring relationship potential. The best way to meet new people is to get involved in activities we enjoy, whether we're singles dating or simply looking for new friends.
Does how you meet affect your relationship or future marriage?
There does not appear to be any particular pattern that would support this idea. I have seen many couples who met in a dance or nightclub atmosphere, who have been happily involved or married for many years. I have also seen many couples who met doing common activities who are unable to sustain a relationship or pursue marriage.
Dawn’s advice for singles dating is not only practical and helpful, it could help you pursue the stuff you love to do! For more information about Dawn Schooler – or to contact her directly – visit Jericho Professional Counselling Services.
Try something new: a social club for singles
If you’re single and wondering about the best way to meet new people, consider a social club for singles, such as Meet Market Adventures. They arrange events for singles such as dog sledding, jet skiing, sushi making and business networking evenings. Meet Market Adventures has something for everyone, and there’s no singles dating pressure.
If your city or community doesn’t have a social club for singles, take Dawn’s dating advice for singles and get involved in activities you enjoy. When you’re happy and fulfilled, you’ll be more likely to embark on a loving romantic relationship. The best way to meet new people is to do what you love.
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