The 5 Stages of Flirting
How Potential Partners Attract One Another & Start Dating
A difference between male & female flirting is that women initiate contact & men make the final move (but not always). Here's the stages of flirting & how flirting works.
Flirting sends signals of sexual or romantic interest, and is evident in the animal kingdom as well as the human jungle. Flirting isn’t just about attracting potential partners – people often flirt with waitstaff in restaurants or gas station attendants – though its primary function is to bring potential partners into a dating relationship.
Psychologists have identified five consistent stages of flirting.
The Differences Between Male and Female Flirting
How men flirt. When they flirt, men want to send a message of strength, trustworthiness, and good genes. Men puff out their chests, lean back in their chairs, and strut when they walk. They use grandiose gestures to light cigarettes or order drinks.
How women flirt. Women flirt to communicate that they're interested, and that they offer something a little better than other women. Women flirt by gazing at the men they're interested in, swaying their hips, smiling, and exposing their neck.
When men and women flirt, they're actually following a predictable pattern of behavior that’s similar to all humans in heterosexual dating relationships. Here’s how flirting works – and how potential partners attract one another and start dating and mating.
The 5 Stages of Flirting
1. The Approach. Women initiate contact by making eye contact with a man. When he meets her gaze, she’ll look down or maintain eye contact. He’ll make his way over to her – across a crowded room if they’re at a bar or party – but will take care not to appear eager or aggressive.
2. The Conversation. Who talks first? Researchers found that he does, usually. He’ll generally ask a question or offer the clichéd pickup line. Women prefer simple, straightforward questions and introductions in this stage of the flirting game.
3. The Swivel and Turn. Reading body language is helpful in this stage of flirting. The potential partners usually begin standing or sitting side by side, but eventually swivel and turn towards one another. They will actually take turns swiveling and turning towards one another until they are face to face – and a dating relationship may be born.
4. The Touch. The woman initiates the touch in this stage of flirting, with a subtle, “accidental” touch of his arm or shoulder. The man generally reciprocates with a return touch or a smile. If he recoils or startles, he may send a signal of rejection (reading this body language isn’t difficult!).
5. The Synchronization. The final stage of flirting involves synchronization of movement, which means the potential partners actually turn their heads at the same time, pick up and put down their drinks together, or even breathe in the same rhythm. This synchronization happens naturally, and is a strong indication of how potential partners attract one another and start dating relationships.
If the couple has consumed copious amounts of alcohol or drugs, these five stages of flirting probably won’t progress as outlined here.
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Source: Human Sexuality by Roger Hock -- a fantastic textbook full of resources and practical information. For more more information about Hock, see When Goals Become Obsessions
