Stop Talking About Your Problems

Refusing to Express Your Feelings Can Make You Healthy & Happy

Jun 25, 2008

Assistant professor of psychology Mark Seery from the University at Buffalo investigated the effects of collective trauma on people who are exposed to tragedy, such as a school shooting, but who do not lose a loved one. His study focused on survivors of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack in New York City; Serry believes that his results are applicable to people who have survived other group tragedies.

What Research Shows: Not Talking About Your Problems Can Be Healthy

It’s not only okay not to express your feelings after a traumatic event – it may actually be better to keep your feelings inside.

After a collective trauma, survivors are typically encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings. Talking about your feelings is generally thought to be the healthiest route to recovery. This psychological research shows that the opposite may be true for some people. Seery says, “It’s important to remember that not everyone copes with events in the same way, and in the immediate aftermath of a collective trauma, it is perfectly healthy to not want to express one’s thoughts and feelings.”

Seery tested how people responded to the aftermath of 9/11, beginning immediately after it happened and continuing for two years. Some participants chose to express their thoughts and feelings in an online survey; others didn’t. Seery then compared the mental and physical health symptoms of the “talkers” with the “non-talkers.” If it’s true that survivors are better off expressing their emotions, then the “talkers” should be healthier than the “non-talkers” – but they weren’t.

In fact, Seery found that the people who didn’t express their feelings were better off than those who did talk.

So, Should You Stop Talking About Your Problems?

“This perfectly exemplifies the assumption in popular culture, and even in clinical practice, that people need to talk in order to overcome a collective trauma,” Seery says.

“Instead, we should be telling people there is likely nothing wrong if they do not want to express their thoughts and feelings after experiencing a collective trauma. In fact, they can cope quite successfully and, according to our results, are likely to be better off than someone who does want to express his or her feelings.”

Sometimes, not talking about your problems may be just as healthy - or healthier - than expressing your feelings. It depends on your personality and the situation.

The copyright of the article Stop Talking About Your Problems in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Stop Talking About Your Problems in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Jun 28, 2008 12:03 AM

John-Paul Gagliano :

This article was very interesting, and sparks many questions for modern clinicians. I would like to comment that this work is a great lead for those who study psychosomatic illnesses. However, this article does not include the physical conditions demonstrated by these same individuals whist they were talking about their traumatic experiences. For instance, if some individuals demonstrated muscular tension, raised blood pressure, or a change in skin conductivity, then we could infer that they will talk more than someone who can speak very calmly of their experiences. I understand that some individuals may display exceptional resilience, and others may not need to at all. I struggle to make an epic change in my beliefs around the importance of language in therapy, but I certainly did enjoy the article: challenging and stimulating. Thank You.

Jan 9, 2009 8:12 PM

Guest :

i can only agree in part with this article- really the best point was made by seery himself here "It’s important to remember that not everyone copes with events in the same way" therefore I think its perfectly healthy to talk about your problems and perfectly healthy not to. Neither is any healthier than the other! I will be grateful when people understand that two things can be different without one necessarily being better or worse.