How Humor Works
Making People Laugh is More Than Telling Funny Jokes
Telling funny jokes and having a good laugh actually strengthens the bonds between people. Tapping into your sense of humor can break the ice, lower blood pressure, and improve your mood. Here's how humor works -- and how humor can hurt. Also, here's how men and women perceive humor differently.
How a sense of humor works in daily life:
- Your sense of humor can diffuse tense situations like fighting with your spouse or arguments between friends (a well-timed joke or action can set everyone off into peals of laughter, and poof! The argument takes on less importance).
- Telling funny jokes can reveal important opinions or feelings about hot topics like marriage, love, death, or even abortion – and give you the opportunity to back off with an innocent, "Just kidding! Had you worried for a minute there, didn't I?"
- Your sense of humor can forge strong, incomparable bonds between you and someone you don't necessarily see eye-to-eye with, such as your teenage daughter or mother in law.
However, humor can hurt, especially when:
- The funny joke expresses underlying hostility. Saying "Aaaagh, my eyes!!! You're not really wearing THAT, are you?" when your sister models her new dress can tear apart your relationship. Making people laugh can hurt your relationships, and it's not worth it.
- Your sense of humor allows you to dodge responsibility. You could ask "Can I give you a hand?" and clap your hands while your partner frantically rushes around picking up dirty socks and underwear from the sofa and clearing overflowing ashtrays and beer glasses from the coffee table while the boss and his wife knock at the front door. This isn't necessarily the most helpful time to try to be funny or express your sense of humor.
- Your funny joke pokes fun at something the person can't change (eg, height) or that they're especially sensitive about. For example, people do tease me about my height (I'm 5 feet tall) – but I'm the exception rather than the rule in this case. I'm not offended when I'm called shorty or half-pint – but some height-challenged people are. Making people laugh depends on their sense of humor.
How men and women perceive humor differently
Women use humor to enhance their relationships. They share funny things that bond, like the time the family got stuck in the trailer overnight. Women like funny stories.
Men use humor to get laughs and play up their persona. Men like slapstick comedy (Larry, Curly, Moe).
"Sometimes the way guys express closeness to other guys is through humor that puts people down. When they try to use the same humor with the women in their lives, it doesn't come across the same way," says Howard Markman. He's a psychologist who works with couples, speaking in a Psychology Today interview.
How to make people laugh without offending them:
- Tease about an action or phrase, not someone's physical or personality characteristics. For instance, I laugh when my hubby ribs me about planting the carrots so close together they form a congealed mass of orange roots. I don't laugh when he teases me about the size of my butt.
- Exaggerate so much, it's an obvious joke. Use your body language or voice to make it clear you're teasing, and people may laugh.
- Choose who you tease wisely. Not everyone shares the humor in jokes about women drivers (have you checked out their car insurance rates? Much lower than men's). Don't risk offending or making someone mad.
- Pay attention to the difference between men and women's perceptions of humor. My hubby has accused me of not having a sense of humor; I've accused him of thinking the silliest things are funny.
- Remember that the subconscious can't take a joke. Don't be cruel – making people laugh should still be kind. Some psychologists say you shouldn't tease those of a lower status than you, such as a subordinate at work or the janitor of your condominium.
Telling funny jokes isn't just about having a good laugh. Teasing and laughter can reveal alot about your personality, sense of humor, and how you deal with life. Telling funny jokes can improve your health and strengthen your relationships.
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