Bouncing Back After Disappointment
How to Survive Heartache & Bad News
Life throws tragedies at us all the time: unwanted pregnancies, infertility, disease, broken relationships, death, job loss, evil acts, and even zits. Learn how to cope!
Bouncing back from disappoinment and heartache should get easier the older we get, shouldn't it? You'd think it would, since most things are easier as time passes. But since bad news and heartache comes in all shapes and sizes (from finding out that you failed a test to learning that you can't have children), we don't survive setbacks as easily as we'd like. Sometimes the tragedy stems from other people: they dump you, get really sick, die, or perform evil acts. Sometimes you bring heartache on yourself by making poor choices or acting irrationally, self-destructively, or just plain meanly.
Regardless of where the bad news came from, dealing with it can be more important than how or why you ended up there in the first place. Once you've bounced back, then you can look back and learn from your experiences.
Accept that you're in a bad place. I've been feeling listless and sad for about a month now, which is highly unusual for me – a positive, optimistic, happy woman by nature. Yesterday I realized that I've been hit with a couple of doozies in the past month (my sister broke up with me and we're struggling with infertility). Of course I feel listless and sad; I've been hit with some pretty harsh news!
Feel the bad stuff. Instead of fighting sad, angry, disappointed, hurt or frustrated feelings, let them wash over you as they bubble up. It's definitely not fun to feel those bad feelings – in the midst of it you might feel like you'll die or go crazy but trust me you won't. Feeling those nasty overwhelming emotions is much better than shoving them down or expressing them in other ways, such as overeating, drinking, doing drugs, or treating others inhumanely. Let yourself feel what you feel.
Stay connected. Don't give up on your relationships. When you're facing heartache as a couple, you may be tempted to pull away or initiate fights – but when you do that, you perpetuate the problems. Staying connected with loved ones could involve painful honesty, nonjudgmental attitudes, self-acceptance, and even counseling. Maybe it's as simple as holding one another when you cry, or going for quiet walks together. The most important thing is to stay real and honest about your feelings, even if it's just to yourself (because not all feelings have to be shared).
Change your focus. Take a break from the heartache! Distract yourself with funny movies, vacations, new restaurants, different yoga classes (like laughing yoga), new recipes, watercolor classes at the local school or college, new hobbies, road trips, belly dancing lessons, and so on. As important as it is to feel the heartache, it's also healthy to take a breather every once in awhile.
Stay healthy. Get enough sleep, eat nutritiously, move your body, and breathe out the stress! The more physically fit your body is, the better you'll feel emotionally and mentally.
