Reading Body Language- Keeping Conversation Rapt

How to Interpret None Verbal Communication to Aid Discussion

Sep 4, 2009

Body language and non-verbal communication are very revealing and reliable indications towards a persons real inner emotions.

Everyone is constantly giving and receiving signals, seemingly unconsciously, through the shaping and movements of our bodies. People are illustrations of their emotions, the visual conception of their feelings, whether they like to admit it or not.

There are several body language ‘courses’ and how to read body language guides, however many seem confused and contradictory.

This article, the first in a series, will look at bringing together the theories and methods of reading body language in a simple and concise format.

This article concentrates on the fundamental skill of keeping attention during presentation of an argument and showing interest in another peers viewpoint.

The Body Language of Mirroring

The phenomenon of ‘mirroring’ occurs very commonly during conversation and interaction. The term refers to the unconscious copying of body posture and expression performed by an interested peer.

For example, watch the groups of friends talking at a bar, it is clear that those that are talking closely and personally will very often seem to emulate each others postures. One might cross his left leg, to feel comfortable; the other will suddenly, almost subconsciously feel that their leg would feel more at ease if it was crossed. Therefore within a few minutes they will copy the posture.

Also emotions are often shared and exchanged. For example, someone smiling during a humorous story will feel much easier if the person they are regaling is also smiling along with them.

Mirroring sounds somewhat unbelievable and surely obvious, however it occurs so commonly and so easily that people do not even notice it.

Mirroring displays interest and enjoyment in talking with someone. If a person matches another’s body language it shows they are comfortable and happy to be sharing conversation.

Therefore in order to ensure that a conversation feels relaxing and easy it is a good plan to try to consciously match the body language of the peer. Obviously, this would probably occur naturally if the conversation were pleasurable, however if it is difficult or important it is crucial to consider conscious copying.

Of course excess or over-deliberate mirroring will seem strange, for example matching how someone starches their neck, or shifts their hair, exactly as they do, will seem odd and perhaps a little intimidating. So keep the mirroring quiet and subtle.

Heady Language

Gentle nodding will help indicate understanding towards a talker. Swift nodding at a key point will indicate interest and knowledge of the importance of what is being said. Slow deliberate nodding will indicate agreement and/or consideration. This will help create the idea in the speaker that their conversation is interesting and compelling, which will surely encourage the talking to continue.

The speaker does not want to make conversation with a person with a nodding neck like a branch in the breeze, or the toy dog on a country road. Therefore nod gently and attentively.

Eye contact is essential during conversation. However once again this must be considered without extremes.

Avoiding gaze completely will indicate a tendency towards lying and holding withheld secrets.

Therefore eye contact should be sharing fleetingly throughout conversation, to maintain and display interest in what is being said.

The use of eyes in body language is a huge topic and will have an article dedicated solely to its influence.

Handy Considerations

Small twitches and movements of the hands can indicate many things during a conversation.

Often the expression of words can be displayed though the motion of the hands. For example a pointing to the floor can indicate a strong message being implied or the desire for attention.

Generally in conversation two peers will share and take alternate turns in speaking, this can be orchestrated by the use of hand movements.

For example, a hand with plan facing the floor, with fingers stretched indicates stress and a feeling of importance in what is being said.

Whereas a hand with palm open and upwards indicates the ‘passing’ of the conversation onto the other, with either a question or request of an opinion.

Hands raised during conversation can also make the impression of the will to talk. A hand will fingers high indicates, in a similar fashion as in the child’s classroom, that someone has a point they wish to make.

Again careful use of reading and expression using the hands can help keep a conversation fluid and flowing.

The copyright of the article Reading Body Language- Keeping Conversation Rapt in Psychology is owned by Michael Catley. Permission to republish Reading Body Language- Keeping Conversation Rapt in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.