If the average layperson were to be asked what they thought emotional abuse was, a variety of answers would result. Each person has their own idea and concept on what emotional abuse is today, but the fact is that this is an area of victimization that does not have a clear cut definition.
This is an area of psychology where the research and support is slim, and from a legal perspective, the support is even slimmer, practically nonexistent.
There is little to no protection today psychologically and legally for women that suffer from emotional abuse, but once the problem has been identified, getting out of the situation is the best protection.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Many women are afraid to even admit that they are being abused emotionally, because their abuser has constructed their life to be one of fear.
Common indicators of emotional abuse are criticism, name calling, isolation, and manipulation. Though any of these tactics can occur in any romantic relationship at any heated moment, emotional abuse occurs when these things happen for an extended period of time, and in extreme manners.
There is no clear cut definition of emotional abuse, but research today is uncovering more and more on the hidden scars across North America. In a general sense, behaviour that is considered emotionally abusive includes and involves isolation, humiliation, criticism, exploitation, manipulation, financial control, and threats of harm or abandonment.
How Common is Emotional Abuse?
The sad fact is, most victims still in their abusive situations have been taught not to speak or seek support, and live a life of fear should they break those “rules”. So emotional abuse is widely under-reported, but it is much more common than you may think.
In 1995, the Canadian Women’s Health group ran a test on 1000 women to research the prevalence of emotional abuse, or if it even existed. The results were staggering.
36% of these women had experienced at least one form of emotional abuse during their childhood years, and even more, a 39% reported that their current relationship was experiencing verbal or emotional abuse within the last five year period.
A key hallmarker of emotional abuse is the abuser’s need to isolate their victim from all means of support. Though it may feel like you are alone, you are not. Emotional abuse is common, and nobody has to live this life alone.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
These are the key signs of emotional abuse. It is important to understand if you or someone you know is undergoing these things, you are not alone, and you ARE a victim. Help IS available.
- Abuser orders victim around, makes all decisions, and sets demands that things are done a certain way
- Life feels like you are always walking on eggshells, doing anything you can to avoid the next tantrum or “punishment”
- It always feels like any little thing can set them off, and you never know what will set them off next. It could be anything.
- Emotions are cold and unfeeling, even when the words “I love you” are said
- Abuser is extremely jealous, and will make the victim feel that they are lucky to have them because nobody else would put up with their behaviour
- Isolation is extreme – discourages any opportunity to talk or spend time with friends and family, and may even monitor those experiences
- Email, cell phone usage, online histories will be monitored, because if the victim had something to hide, this wouldn’t be necessary
- The abuser accompanies the victim in public at all times to mitigate any opportunity to seek emotional support elsewhere
- All financial and primary decisions are made by the abuser, paychecks and car keys are frequently relinquished, and information may even be withheld
- Victims have a difficult time sustaining employment, because this presents another opportunity for them to find emotional support. If a job is allowed, problems will be made at work, or paychecks will be taken
- Basic needs like medical and dental work will be postponed, but luxuries and gifts will be frequent whenever the abuser wants to soften the victim up for their next tactic
- Physical abuse is rare, as this will expose the abuser. Threats of physical abuse will be frequent however.
- Constant and consistent spying. Every move the victim makes will need to be reported or will be found out one way or another through the abuser’s spy tactics
- Everything is always the victim’s fault, no matter how big or small
- Emotional manipulation is frequent, as the abuser will be kind to their victims only often enough to keep them thinking that if they just worked a little harder, things will work out. This is often followed by outbursts or extreme anger or punishment like the silent treatment
- Abuser ensures that the victim is both emotionally and financially dependent on them and them alone
References
Loring, Marti Tamm (1998). Emotional Abuse: The Trauma and the Treatment.
Health Canada (1995). Fact Sheet on Emotional Abuse. The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence.
