Overcoming fear of success involves learning how to stop sabotaging your relationships, career & life goals.
To overcome your fear of success, you need to learn to stop sabotaging your relationships, career, and life goals. “Fear of success” may sound strange, because who wouldn’t want to be successful? Successful people have money, power, fast cars, personal trainers, hired help – there doesn't seem to be much to fear!
However, success is scary because it involves change. Success can be intimidating and hard to handle. Success also involves more challenges and responsibilities – and that is threatening, which is why many people fear success.
6 Ways to Overcome Fear of Success
You may always feel fear of success or fear of failure, but that doesn’t mean you’re paralyzed. These tips won’t make fear disappear – they’re practical steps to success.
1. Figure out why you’re sabotaging your goals. You don’t have to go to a psychotherapist to figure out why you fear success. Talk to people you trust, write in your journal, and be honest with yourself. What are you afraid to admit? What’s holding you back from losing the extra weight or asking for a promotion at work? You don’t have to go further than that. Just accepting your reasons will give you a sense of freedom.
2. Prepare yourself. A huge sign of self-sabotage or fear of success at work occurs when you don’t study for the exam or work presentation or big project. You subconsciously or deliberately sabotage yourself when you fail to prepare by, for example, partying all night or choosing the wrong work partners. The more you prepare, the more your fears may subside.
3. Accept failure as part of succeeding. “It’s a common assumption that if you really try your hardest to get something and don’t get it, you’ll be shattered – so it’s safer not to risk going out at all,” says Barbara Sher in Wishcraft. “That is totally false. The exact opposite is true.” If you try and fail, you won’t feel as bad as you think. You’ll gain experience, education, contacts, and self-confidence.
4. Be scared. Scared of asking, trying, working hard, pushing yourself, sharing your dreams? Big deal. We all are. Read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. If you don’t have time to find the book, then just make it your motto. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway will help you overcome fear of success.
5. Compete against yourself – not others. “Competition in which one person must lose in order for us to win tends to undermine the best in most of us,” says Robert K. Cooper in The Other 90%: How to Unlock Your Vast Potential for Leadership and Life. “It makes us wary and distrustful of others, causes us to withhold and distort information, makes us intolerable of uncertainty and change, and it so narrows our focus that constructive creativity is practically shut down.”
6. See your skills as changeable. Research shows that if you think your professional skills and abilities are fixed, then you’ll become anxious if you’re successful. Psychologist Jason Plaks from the University of Toronto and research scientist Kristin Stecher from the University of Washington found that people who think their capabilities are fixed get disoriented when they succeed, and their performance then spirals downward. To overcome fear of success, view your skills as changeable (and change them with education, training, research, or mentoring).
If you found Overcoming Fear of Success helpful, try:
The copyright of the article Overcoming Your Fear of Success in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Overcoming Your Fear of Success in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
I have a friend who is immensely talented, but he doesn't want the
world to know it, so he deliberately rationalizes ways to avoid situations
where his talent will be exposed. He claims he is not ready for
"prime time", but he's been saying that since I've known him.
I've known him for over 25 years. I used to have the same problem, but
I got over it by jumping into the water head first. Now, I realize that
there is more to gain than to lose by embracing success. By success, I mean
achieving a goal and not exploiting someone so I can be rich. The fear of
success in my opinion, in Canada in particular in cultural in nature.
Canadians are enculturated in thinking that anyone who tries to improve
their plight is an elitist.
Nov 7, 2008 1:15 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Wow, that's really interesting! I wonder if this makes Canadians less
likely to succeed...it would seem so. Maybe that's why we don't have as
many famous Canadians -- not like America, anyway.
Success is
TOTALLY scary -- I know the thought of achieving all my goals freaks me
out. :-) But still - like you said - we can get over it by jumping in
head first...
Feb 23, 2009 2:26 AM
Guest :
It's funny because I have always said that I will live to be at least one
hundred and since people tend to live to 75 that at 28 I am still
relatively young, and that time is on my side, but after having read this
article I think I have a definite fear. I also have all the textbook
symptoms as stated above, so I suppose that what I fear is going after my
dream and not being able to accomplish it. I think also that it would
define me as a dumb person, which is probably why I never checked my SAT
score. Ignorance is bliss right!! What would be a life with no dream or
direction at least as an eternal student I have a positive direction. That
used to be me but now I have found what I want do and am naturally good at
but I still find myself killing my flow. This article helped I just want
to have that unflinching determination that I know I should have.
Mar 3, 2009 6:47 PM
Guest :
List of phobias and fears Fear of long words and fear of success are
only a few of the phobias and fears that people experience. Let's get down
with the madness of phobias and fears. We promised you an exhaustive list
of phobias and fears, and an exhaustive list of phobias and fears you will
get. This list of phobias include many of the categories used to
describe phobias and fears. From social phobias as common as phobia of
public speaking, to specific phobias like fear of success, passing through
really unusual phobias like fear of long words. Unfortunately we
cannot include all of the phobias and fears that exist, but this list of
phobias is pretty complete:
* Ablutophobia: Fear of washing
or bathing * Anemophobia: Fear of wind * Anthrophobia:
Fear of flowers * Batophobia: Fear of being close to high
buildings * Bibliophobia: Fear of books * Chaetophobia:
Fear of hair * Chionophobia: Fear of snow * Chronophobia:
Fear of time * Dendrophobia: Fear of trees *
Didaskaleinophobia: Fear of school * Eisoptrophobia: Fear of
mirrors * Eosophobia: Fear of daylight * Ergophobia: Fear
of work * Geliophobia: Fear of laughter * Graphophobia:
Fear of writing * Heliophobia: Fear of the sun *
Hemophobia: Fear of blood * Homichlophobia: Fear of fog *
Kainophobia: Fear of anything new * Lachanophobia: Fear of
vegetables * Logophobia: Fear of written words *
Melophobia: Fear of music * Metrophobia: Fear of poetry *
Neophobia: Fear of anything new, again... * Oneirophobia: Fear of
dreams * Phengophobia: Fear of daylight, again... *
Photophobia: Fear of light * Pogonophobia: Fear of beards
* Sciophobia: Fear of shadows * Scolionophobia: Fear of school * Sociophobia: Fear of society or people in general *
Somniphobia: Fear of sleep * Spectrophobia: Fear of ghosts
* Spheksophobia: Fear of wasps * Stenophobia: Fear of narrow
things or places * Suriphobia: Fear of mice *
Tachophobia: Fear of speed * Taurophobia: Fear of bulls *
Technophobia: Fear of technology * Telephonophobia: Fear of
telephones * Thalassophobia: Fear of the sea *
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia: Fear of death or dying *
Tocophobia: Fear of pregnancy or childbirth * Tomophobia: Fear of
surgical operations * Traumatophobia: Fear of injury *
Trypanophobia: Fear of injections
Mar 26, 2009 3:46 AM
Guest :
This article totally explains what has been going on in my life. I've been
working on my master plan for about three years now. My friends and family
are wondering whats going on with me. Its true that I don't feel that I'm
good enough to meet all my goals that I want for myself. Its even more
uncomfortable to discuss my low self esteem with others because they don't
have a clue that I feel this way. Engaging in self sabotage is easier than
dealing with my true feelings about myself. Unfortunately this behavior is
unproductive and leads to more negative feelings about myself. Thanks for
the tips above. At least the tips provide a framework to begin dealing
with this issue.
Jul 11, 2009 12:20 PM
Guest :
First of all, I have to say this is a great topic, especially since the
described fear is something I can really relate to. I've been fighting with
myself since I can remember, sabotage and all, procrastinating, making
excuses about being a perfectionist, etc. Even in school, I used to get Fs,
which I would always, being pressed with time, turn into As (with almost no
trouble at all!). It also affected my relationships, never being able to
fully commit, my career, and every other aspect of my life. I've always
consoled myself with the fact that I "know" how something works,
what kind of a person someone is, and the fact that there is an open window
for me to achieve something, and because of it - didn't DO it. Or at least,
until I had to do it. Only recently I began changing my life around. I live
in a small country in Europe, where modesty is seen as a virtue to a fault,
and keeping your head down is better than doing the best you can, since
anything but modesty is seen as arrogance. I am thankful for having friends
who get angry with me when they see I'm losing my edge. Especially, since
I'm usually the one who says that everything can be achieved, with a little
effort... :P Thanks for writing on such an important topic, and giving this
particular procrastinator hope, as well as some good advice.
Sep 6, 2009 9:50 AM
Guest :
I have most of the 'symptoms' of Fear of Success listed in your article,
but it is the idea of not believing that I can sustain the success once I
acheive it that REALLY is the crux of my problem.
Can you give
reccomend some articles focusing on that?
Sep 8, 2009 8:00 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Hi,
Thanks for your comment and wonderful question!
I
wrote an article about sustaining success, called 6 Ways to Create
Long-Term Success. Just copy and paste the phrase “create long-term success
quips tips achieving goals” in any search bar, and you’ll find it.
If you have further comments or questions, please feel free to fire away,
here or in the comments section of that article.
Laurie
Sep 28, 2009 12:21 PM
Guest :
** * **
My Five Stars For This Article and "How Fear Of
Success Works"
Thanks for your concise approach Laurie,
I have been very successful when I look back, in different areas
where I craved for success, like doing engineering breakthroughs and
handling managerial tasks way beyond my experiences, etc,. in all of them I
could do it real good.
But in many other areas, I am very deeply
getting anxious and confused when I see first signs of achievement, I step
back, like earning big money from my works, or maintaining my good image
with others. Then I either step back or even if I continue it's not going
to work.
I found it has roots in my this belief: I Do Not
Deserve It, (or something that sort)
Interestingly, quite a
discovery to me though, I found that when I am aiming for goals that makes
others happy, I do GREAT !
However, when I have intentions that
solely or primarily are focused on MY personal benefits, I am not that I
nomore.
Sounds Crazy, No?
Maybe it's because I also
am fearful of being arrogant, or selfish, and am so fearful that I avoid
anything adding to my Value. Maybe.
anyway, I feel it's quite a
common problem and I would appreciate If you could address it
specifically.
Best Of Best Regards
Navid
Sep 28, 2009 4:22 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Hi Navid,
That is a very interesting dilemma, and I think you
hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the fear of being selfish or
arrogant.
Overcoming fear of success sounds so silly, but
success is a very real fear for many people! “If I succeed, will I be able
to stay successful?” and “If I succeed, what will happen next?” are common
questions. And, like you suggested, feeling reluctant to overachieve or
achieve too much can put obstacles in the way of success.
Basically, success takes you out of your comfort zone. Since you don’t
know what will happen when you leave your comfort zone, you are afraid.
I don’t think there’s one “right” answer for everyone and I don’t
know you, so I can’t speak to your specific situation. But, I suggest you
write down your top 5 reasons you might fear success. Then, write your
answers to your own fears – in other words, what would you tell someone
else who has your fears?
And remember that it gets easier and
easier to succeed. The more of your OWN success you enjoy, the easier it
will be…and before you know it, the fear of success will be gone.
Best wishes – and enjoy your successes!
Laurie
Oct 14, 2009 2:55 AM
Guest :
THE POWER OF FAMILY TO INFLUENCE OVER US IS AMAZING, THAT'S WHT A GOOD
FAMILY MAKES A GOOD MEMBER
This Is Navid Again,
Finally... I got to the core core reason of my 'fear of success', as well
as 'self sabotage' and 'self destruct' couple minutes ago, and wanted to
share, and it's common, that is:
when we were born, our parent
were feeling one of below scenarios towards us:
1. This is
wonderful, what a beautiful baby, you have come to make our lives nicer and
shinier
2. This is wonderful, what a nice baby, but WHY NOW?
(never told us, though)
In fact our parents either expected us,
or were surprised.
Let us continue with the surprised parents
who felt this child was unexpected to them and on the wrong environment it
came (financially, socially, or any life stage generally)
PARENTS FEEL THIS CHILD IS UNEXPECTED AND GO AHEAD TO FEEL THIS CHILD IS
UNACCEPTABLE AT THE CURRENT SITUATION
thus
THE CHILD
UNDERSTANDS & FEELS AS IF HE CAME TO A PLACE & TIME WHERE HE DOES
NOT DESERVE MUCH EXISTENCE (I'll explain baby understanding mechanism
below)
thus
UNABLE TO DENY HIS EXISTENCE, THE CHILD
STARTS TO DENY HIS RIGHTS TO EXISTENCE AS A RESULT OF NOT DESERVING
EXISTENCE (if you don't deserve something you should not benefit from
rights coming with it)
thus
THE INNER &
UNCONSCIOUS COMMANDING SELF OF CHILD CALLS ON ITS FAILURE MECHANISM
EVERYTIME IT FINDS THERE IS ROOM TO BE MORE MISERABLE.
thus
THE FAILURE MECHANISM ARTFULLY TAKES CARE OF PERFORMING THE
SABOTAGE AND DESTRUCTION COMMAND RECEIVED FROM INNER COMMANDING SELF.
_____end of cycle, which repeats_____
We Say Miserable
because it is natural flow of logic that once one does not deserve
existence, he also does not deserve good fortune. so he must deserve
something, right? what remains to be deserved is contrary of good fortune,
the Misery.
this might well explain why things happen to us that
we scare or hate the most. Because we are letting that inner commander know
what it can do to make us more miserable...
now how does baby
understand the parents feeling things at all? researchers say newly born
brain works in Delta level, or deep sleep level while awake ! This level of
consciousness allows babies to communicate with mother without words,
although mothers get a weaker sensation, still its there. and at this level
starts to form core core mental functions lasting lifetime.
so
if you are a parent, please thinkgood
AND...
Knowing
this, I love my parents even more, tolerating the unwelcome:)
Oct 28, 2009 4:35 PM
Guest :
Fear of success for me was moreso "fear of exposure"...fear of
the exposing myself to the abuser. To remain mediocre and hidden and
cooped up away in the shadows meant HIDDEN FROM THE ATTACKER. FAME was the
greatest threat to that life-or-death-privacy. Therefore,
"success" meant potential annihilation. Thanks for a great
article.
Apr 6, 2008
