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How to Make Small Talk

10 Tips For Starting Conversations With People You Don't Know

© Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Feb 15, 2007
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Making small talk with people you don't know well, such as your boss or a blind date, can be nerve-wracking especially if you want to make a good impression.

Making small talk doesn't have to be painful, even if it's with a boss you want to impress or blind date you want to see alot more of! Believe it or not, making small talk can be fun - even for quiet personality types. Making small talk is also an art that can be learned.

"So…how about this weather?" doesn't often lead to stimulating dialogue (but don't hesitate to use it if you're desperate). If you must make small talk about the weather, be specific. Say, "It's freezing cold outside – have you ever heard that saying, 'colder than ________' ? Where did that come from, anyway?" might work better, depending on who you're talking to.

Making small talk can be difficult even if you're an extrovert, but it's especially difficult for introverts. Here's how to enjoy making small talk.

How to Make Small Talk: 10 Tips for Starting Conversations With People You Don't Know

  1. Keep up with current events. Make small talk about the news, sports, your community, or politics (unless politics is too controversial. On second thought, that can generate some pretty fiery dialogues!)
  2. Comment on a piece of clothing or accessory. Ask where it came from, what the significance is, how much it cost (just kidding). Making small talk is about being observant about people you don't know well.
  3. Pay attention to what they're saying. When you're making small talk, follow up on phrases; for instance, if they say they're "excellent", ask why – ask where you can get some. If they mention that they're exhausted, follow up on it. When you're making small talk, remember that great conversations and good connections can be just around the corner.
  4. Share an anecdote about your day. Did you lose your keys or find $10? Maybe you ate at a new restaurant recently, or found a great new CD. Making small talk is about sharing the little things.
  5. Ask what movies or books they've seen or read recently. Someone once asked me that at a party. Admittedly, at first it felt contrived, but then we had a fantastic conversation about the book I was reading! Making small talk is about trying new conversations.
  6. Talk about tv. Share your favourite tv shows - whether it's Oprah's revelation of The Secret or the your favorite sitcom. If you're Canadian, Little Mosque on the Prairie might be interesting to discuss! Making small talk about pop culture is easy and fun.
  7. Recall your past conversations with the same person. Ask if their son is still ill or how the Mexican holiday went. Making small talk is easier when your memory is good.
  8. Ask open-ended questions that require an explanation. For instance, "How are you?" isn't as effective as "Whatever happened with '__________' you were dealing with?" ('__________' could be a business deal, family problem, or financial investment) Remember that anything is a potential topic of conversation.You can even talk about how uncomfortable you are making small talk – and ask them how they do it.
  9. Relax. Enjoy yourself. People are interesting! If you combine these tips for making small talk with sincere interest, you'll embark on a fascinating conversational ride.
  10. Let it go. If the conversation feels like dragging a piano uphill then it may be time to move on or let silence take over. You can't connect with everyone, and some conversations simply refuse to take life! Making small talk involves knowing when it's time to move on.

If you found How to Make Small Talk: 10 Tips for Starting Conversations With People You Don't Know helpful, you may enjoy:


The copyright of the article How to Make Small Talk in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish How to Make Small Talk in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.


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Comments
Jul 1, 2008 6:52 AM
Laurie Wilhelm :
These 10 tips are bang on for making small talk. I think the key here is to ask questions and really listen to the answers. In the above article, five of the ten tips refer specifically to doing that. Asking questions gets the conversation going and allows you to find out interesting things about the other person. In regard to tip #1, if you're familiar with current events, you can come up with some questions you could ask someone about them. For example, "I was reading about the new sports facility the City is building. What do you think about this plan?" Making small talk doesn't mean you have to do all the talking; getting the other person to open up and talk is the first step.
Dec 15, 2008 3:47 PM
Guest :
All these tips are what make a decent conversation with anyone, in any aspect, people feel more comfortable around strangers when there is assertive communication rather than staying quiet, there is a sense of fear towards another person that is around you that won't talk much, because you don't know the person firstly but also because we train ourselves to not be open as much as we should. Surprisingly, as studies have showed, that conversing with people wherever you go, boosts not only your confidence, and self-esteem, it passes it on to the stranger or person you are chatting with. I am an example of someone who had problems with communicating with others, until one day I had the courage to ask the girl I had a crush on for years, to go on a date, well, that worked well for about 2 weeks until we found out we were not right for one another, but it didn't stop me from staying open with communication, at first, I made myself get over the never-to-be relationship with that girl, and started conversing with alot more women, starting with normal conversation to start the initial chat, and regardless of how many successful conversations with these women I would converse with, I was able to sit next to a beautiful lady on a bus, and chat it up about anything, and leave the conversation either with a friend, or a comfortable feeling between the two of us, for further communication. I started to gain self-esteem, and I learned to become better at conversing, making the lady smile with a joke, that would come to my head like it was a gift. But in reality I became comfortable with myself through communication, that I became somewhat of an artist at chatting. I took my skills of communicating to the bars where fights are broken out from anything, I realized I could break up fights by talking it over with the aggressor, they would see me as a threat at first, but with assertive communication, and a little help with being sober at the time, I could calm down hitler if I wanted too. I realized over time that my ability to small talk was building my character, and personality to change me to a better person, people like to be around me because I have something good to say.
Dec 16, 2008 4:44 AM
Guest :
These tips are great, I will remember to use them when I line up for supper tonight at the Men's Mission!
Dec 16, 2008 2:30 PM
Venus Joy :
Very nice article with lots of good advice! Thank you!
4 Comments
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