Intimacy overload isn't discussed as much as lack of intimacy or fear of intimacy. Talking about your feelings, thoughts, and past experiences is part of a healthy relationship, according to many psychologists, counselors, and doctors. However an article in Psychology Today (“Back Off!”) reveals that there’s a limit to how much intimacy you can tolerate. Intimacy overload is possible.
How much intimacy is intimacy overload? Levels of tolerance vary from person to person, and couple to couple. Simply put, when you discuss your relationship too much, you may have intimacy overload.
Intimacy overload: too much intimacy is as unhealthy as lack of intimacy
If you’re dependent on your partner for constant affirmation, unconditional love, and total protection – then you may be expecting too much intimacy. This is intimacy overload. If you expect your partner to increase your self esteem, fulfill all your social needs, and share every emotion with you, it's too much intimacy or intimacy overload. Excessive expectations in intimate relationships involve unreasonable demands for time, affection, or energy...intimacy overload.
Intimacy overload involves blurred boundaries. Sometimes, there is no line between two people. Intimacy overload involves too many emotional demands, too much togetherness, and too much criticism. Feelings of suffocation and control become are impossible to ignore, and neither partner is happy. Too much intimacy can break a relationship.
What to do with intimacy overload
When intimacy overload happens, it’s not “intimacy” anymore. It certainly isn't lack of intimacy! It may indicate a different problem such as insecurity, anxiety, or low self-esteem.
Responses to intimacy overload or too much intimacy may include retreat and withdrawal. Partners tune out, perhaps hiding in their work, hobbies, or friends. Intimacy overload can be as unhealthy to a relationship as fear of intimacy or lack of intimacy.
Guarding against intimacy overload or too much intimacy:
- Take time for yourself is a huge way to prevent intimacy overload.
- Balance your needs with your family’s. Overcompensating in one area, such as emotional intimacy, leads to intimacy overload.
- Enjoy your own hobbies and interests. Avoid intimacy overload by staying in touch with yourself.
- Take time away from one another – “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Too much time together contributes to intimacy overload.
- Cultivate your own friendships, apart from your partner. This guards against too much intimacy.
- Know who you are as a person, separate from your partner. Losing yourself can be part of intimacy overload.
- Develop your own spiritual, personal, social, and professional selves. Again, not being in touch with who you are contributes to intimacy overload.
Bouncing back from intimacy overload
To recover from intimacy overload, mix autonomy and independence with interdependence and togetherness. When a healthy balance of connectedness and separateness exists, both partners feel happy with their relationship – and realistic expectations and mutual respect are evident. Intimacy overload eases up when each partner is free and yet still feels loved.
If you found Intimacy Overload: Too Much Intimacy is as Unhealthy as Lack of Intimacy helpful, you may enjoy:
