How to Build a Better Marriage Over the Holidays

5 Christmas Traditions That Strengthen Your Relationship

Nov 26, 2008

Couples who participate in Christmas traditions together build a better marriage, say researchers from Syracuse University. Here are 5 holiday rituals to celebrate!

Trimming the tree, lighting candles, romantic stocking stuffers, and decorating your home for the holidays are Christmas traditions that can strengthen your relationship. However, building a better marriage goes beyond just going Christmas shopping and planning holiday meals together.

According to psychologists Barbara H. Fiese, Ph.D., and Thomas J. Tomcho, Ph.D., of Syracuse University, one of the keys to a strong relationship is participating and finding meaning in religious holiday rituals. "The couple's private world of intimate ties and connections often becomes public in the practice of religious rituals," say these psychologist, "and the couple may reaffirm their connection and intimacy through the practice of meaningful rituals."

Christmas traditions can strengthen your relationship by making your religious beliefs public and shared – which deepens your connection and intimacy. Here are five ways to strengthen your relationship with meaningful Christmas traditions - and they go beyond romantic stocking stuffers (which are good, too).

5 Christmas Traditions That Strengthen Your Relationship

1. Volunteer to wrap gifts. Whether you’re wrapping gifts for a nonprofit organization, serving Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter, or singing carols at a seniors’ care facility – volunteering not only helps you build a better marriage over the holidays, it also improves your emotional and physical health.

2. Create Christmas tree holiday traditions. Your seasonal ritual could involve adding a new ornament every year (that you make or purchase together!), trimming the tree after a special holiday meal, drinking rum and egg nog, or inviting family or friends over for a tree-trimming party. Part of this holiday tradition could involve cutting down a tree together.

3. Write a holiday letter. To build a better marriage over the holidays, consider sitting down together and writing a holiday letter that describes the ups and downs of the past year. This sharing of your highs and lows as a couple will strengthen your relationship by reminding you of all you’ve been through together. You can send your holiday letter to friends and family, or keep it for next year…and the year after that…

4. Bake Christmas cookies, stollen, or ginger bread houses together. Make it your Christmas tradition to cook something every year – even if it’s just a batch of shortbread cookies or a nice warm wassail. It strengthens your relationship by giving you a common purpose and focus, and it can be fun, too!

5. Discover the true meaning of Christmas. To build a better marriage over the holidays, focus on what Christmas really means to you. If you’re a practicing Christian, make it a point to pray or read Scripture with your spouse, or get more involved with your church this season. If you celebrate Christmas but don’t really believe in Jesus Christ, focus on gratitude, compassion, and love – the resulting positive feelings will strengthen your relationship.

It’s not any one specific Christmas tradition that helps build a better marriage. What strengthens your relationship is the fact that you have the same beliefs and participate in the traditions together…as a loving couple.

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Source of psychologists' Fiese and Tomcho's research on how religious holiday rituals strengthen your relationship: American Psychological Association (2001, December 11). Trimming The Christmas Tree Or Lighting Menorah Candles Together May Strengthen Your Marriage. ScienceDaily.

The copyright of the article How to Build a Better Marriage Over the Holidays in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish How to Build a Better Marriage Over the Holidays in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.