The stress and problems of having children can affect marital happiness, and even decrease the quality of a couple’s relationship. Though this research from the University of Denver and Texas A&M shows that kids can decrease happiness levels, there are effective ways to improve a marriage relationship after having children!
The Research on Children and Marital Happiness
According to an eight-year study of 218 couples, ninety percent of couples experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction once the first child was born.
"Couples who do not have children also show diminished marital quality over time," says Scott Stanley, research professor of psychology at the University of Denver. "However, having a baby accelerates the deterioration, especially during periods of adjustment right after the birth of a child."
Some marital relationships are happier after children are born. In this study, the couples who reported stronger relationships after their child’s birth were married longer and had higher incomes.
Three Ways to Improve a Marriage Relationship
- Take risks together. Trying new things together, such as sky diving or learning about astronomy, improves marriages by uniting couples. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains that happiness is found in experiences because they're open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of a couple's identity, and contribute to a happy relationship.
- Untangle money issues. “Often, when couples argue about money, it’s not money that’s the problem,” says William Harley, PhD, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. “Instead, the money fights are a byproduct of relationship neglect.” Money can become a weapon when one spouse uses the other person's spending habits as ammunition, or when a spouse spends money to get even.
- Keep communicating. Research shows that contempt and holding back from honest communication can lead to marital trouble and potential failure. Partners should find things to appreciate and respect about each other. To improve your marriage, talk, touch, and communicate. When communication stops, marriages are less likely to be happy.
Increasing marital happiness levels (whether or not children are involved) takes effort on the part of both partners. The more couples focus on improving marriages, the easier it gets – and the happier marriages are!
Related Reading
For more information on conflict in marriage, read The Health Effects of Marital Conflict.
And, see the Top 10 Articles on Marital Happiness or Resources for Emotional Infidelity and Cheating for a full range of information about emotional infidelity, overcoming affairs, fear of intimacy, and communication tips for couples.
Sources:
- University of Denver Press Release (April 8, 2009). “Children Take a Toll on Marital Bliss.” Also published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals (August 21, 2008). “10 Ways to Improve a Bad Relationship.”
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