Overcoming your fears will help you live authentically and increase your self-awareness. Here's why finding your identity is so difficult, and how you can do it!
Increasing your self-awareness is about living authentically and overcoming your fears. As a child, you may have been encouraged to conform or face the consequences! Most people conform...and lose themselves in the process.
Authentic living and self-awareness is about expressing honest thoughts, feelings, and opinions without condemning or judging others - and it's difficult! Overcoming fear is key.
Increasing your self-awareness is a journey full of failures and successes. Finding your identity is a process with no real end point. That is, you'll never be "done" because you're always growing and changing - and so are the people around you.
Why is Increasing Your Self-Awareness & Living Authentically Difficult?
You've been hurt. You've been betrayed, terrified, and even abused. Assaults are difficult to survive when they're committed by strangers - but when people who are supposed to love you, hurt you, it's even harder to bounce back. Living authentically and finding your identity involves dealing with your past and forgiving others.
You've hurt others. You've betrayed friends, partners, family; maybe you've even terrified and abused them. Everyone has hurt other people, to different degrees. These cycles of pain and destruction make it difficult to open up and trust again. Increasing your self-awareness is about facing your mistakes.
You watch the media and see images of perfection, which doesn't encourage you to live authentically, with all your imperfections! The gorgeous models, rock singers and movie stars look flawless. Increasing your self-awareness means knowing these images of perfection are impossible to live up to. Finding your identity means letting the quest for perfection go. Authentic living isn't about being perfect.
You haven't let go of expectations of your parents, family, supervisors, professors, or mentors. You're encouraged to color between the lines, fit in, and be "big a girl/boy" - but you're not always encouraged to overcome your fears and live authentically. Then, when you're an adult you're expected to be politically correct, mature, and responsible. Finding your identity means letting go of others' expectations.
Increasing your self-awareness and living authentically is a lifelong journey of self-discovery.
Questions to Ponder When You're Increasing Your Self-Awareness:
What makes your heart leap or your soul resonate?
When do you feel most happy and relaxed? Finding your identity is knowing what makes you "you."
What's the first thought or feeling that pops into your head when you encounter a song, person, memory, or experience? Finding your identity involves being self-aware.
What's the THIRD thought or feeling when you encounter a song, person, memory, or situation? (some say that's your true self, depending on how buried your true self is and how much you've conformed).
Living Authentically Involves Negative Feelings
When – and with whom – do you feel depressed, sad, or drained? Finding your identity involves avoiding those situations.
When do you feel physically ill or unhealthy? Authentic living means figuring that out, and avoiding those situations.
What meetings, visits, or events do you find yourself dragging yourself to? Increasing your self-awareness is about limiting or eliminating those circumstances.
Increasing your self-awareness and living authentically takes time, practice, and patience - but the rewards are well worth it!
Related Articles
If you found Increasing Your Self-Awareness interesting, try:
The copyright of the article Increasing Your Self-Awareness in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Increasing Your Self-Awareness in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Found this usefull and somewhat insightful but what to do when letting go
of expectations would mean becoming a very different person? someone you
may dislike/think little of? how do you deal with not being yourself
because you do not think you would be better off living authenticaly?
Oct 28, 2008 8:11 PM
Guest
:
Hi Guest:
I saw your comment and thought I ought to answer since
I took the "big leap" and decided to "live
authentically". The fact that you know somehow that you will never be
the same tells me that you are aware of the drastic changes that take place
once you start to unravel the cocoon and emerge - no longer a caterpillar,
but a butterfly. The eyes you see with now are not the same eyes you will
see with when you transform, so your fear of turning into something you may
dislike or that your existence will somehow be worse off will not matter
since the "old you" is shed and the "authentic you" has
risen.
Since I decided to take a leap of faith and trust that
there was more to life than what I was experiencing, I would never want to
return to the way things were or to the person I once was. I never could
return anyway because that person is not alive - I am. And the views of
that person don't matter. Have you ever met a dead man with a valid
opinion?
The leap is the hardest part. The journey is amazing -
not entirely painless - but amazing. And when you discover that it goes on
forever and ever, well, then you have found eternal life. Your eternal
life.
Feb 25, 2009 2:06 PM
Guest
:
Hi i went through a really hard breakup (first love together for 5 years)
and in that relationship i lost myself. Its been a little over a very
painful year that almost killed me. but now i feel more like myself than
ever but i also dont know what my passions are and what they are suppose to
feel like because the things i use to do dont feel me up anymore like they
once did so i just feel like a lost soul swimming in a fish bowl year after
year with no direction i guess my question is how do you rediscover your
passions or recreate them?
Feb 25, 2009 7:24 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
I'm sorry about your break up - and I do hope you can learn who you are
again, and focus on your own passions, goals, and future!
For
some ideas on rediscovering your passions, click on the links at the end of
this article. I added a couple of new articles - such as "Finding
Yourself Again" and "Creating the Life You Love", which
should get you started. And, the "Tips for Letting Go of People's
Expecations" and "The Best Movies About Daring Women" might
give you even more ideas.
Good luck! Finding yourself again is
hard, but SO worth it.........it can be fun, actually :-)
Apr 23, 2009 11:01 AM
Guest
:
This all sounds so good but I have to ask how do you put the wheels in
motion?! I am 31 years old, I have been with my husband for more than half
of my life (17 years). We have 4 children ages 15, 12, 10 and 6 - my
father recently passed away so my mother is also staying with us (which is
a WHOLE other animal!) I don't really know who I am or what I am all about
anymore?!
Apr 24, 2009 4:05 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
It's definitely a challenge to figure out who you are because we get so
used to ignoring or hiding our true thoughts and feelings!
One
way to get in touch with who you are and increase your self-awareness is to
sit down with a pile of old magazines, and cut out the images that resonate
with you. For instance, I'll never forget a photo in a magazine of a woman
applying her lipstick in the hubcap of her Harley Davidson - I'll always
regret not cutting that out! Just having those photos that really speak to
you around helps you stay tuned in to who you are.
And, living
authentically involves spending time with people you really WANT to be
with! It's about saying "yes" because you want to, not because
you "should."
Put the wheels in motion by taking a
class you think you'd enjoy -- and if you don't, then you've increased your
self-awareness already! Take a weekend away by yourself, or with a
girlfriend.
Listen to your gut feelings, and practice being
assertive.
I hope this has helped a little -- let me know if
anything works for you!
May 13, 2009 11:43 AM
Guest
:
Hi, I was in a relationship for 12 years. He left me one morning giving me
three hours notice. This was a year and a half ago. I am suffering from
severe depression, never leave my home, and because of a bad lower back, I
sit and sleep in my desk chair all the time. I pray very hard as I have
much faith in God, I cry, have no friends, and if it were not for my
children, my phone would never ring. He walked away without looking back.
He has never once called to see if I am ok. I made his world, my world. He
was my best friend, I shared all his interests, and cannot even remember
what mine are. The sadness is overwhelming. I know I would never take him
back, and I do not feel anything for him any longer. I am just lost, lonely
and wonder how I will ever trust anyone ever again. This man said he loved
me. He said we would be married. Now, I have nothing or no one to share my
life with. Please help me if you can. Thank you.
May 13, 2009 4:57 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Have you seen a doctor about treatment for your severe depression? That's
the first step -- because you can't increase your self-awareness and live
authentically if you're too exhausted to get out of bed in the morning (or
in your case, the office chair :-) ).
Step one is to get
treatment.
Step two is to start rebuilding your life. It's
easier than it sounds: join a walking group, take a class in something
you've always wanted, join a weight loss or Weight Watchers group in your
neighborhood. There are many inexpensive, easy ways to make friends and
feel supported -- and the sooner you connect with others, the better you'll
feel!
You've taken a fantastic first step by reaching out
online, here...now you just need to take the next steps.
I hope
this helps a little, and I hope you return to let me know how you're
doing!
Laurie
Jul 1, 2009 9:10 PM
Guest
:
Hello, Over the last month, I have really been seeking and finding
myself. For a long time there I was affected deeply by what people thought
and what I needed to be doing. I was not really doing things cause I wanted
to. A fog was covering up what I really wanted. Everything I really wanted
was always right in front of me, and I was only preventing myself from
attaining it. The last couple days I don't know what happened.. I am a
little depressed. I am too determined to not let it get the best of me. I
can not and will not go back to my old tactics of ignoring my heart and my
desires. I stumbled upon this website and read your blog. I have
always felt drained by my parents. I think this is partly because they are
ignoring their hearts and dreams. They don't really have a passion or pride
for life, which is what a person needs for me to look up to them. Its
really starting to drain me more and more living with them. One part
of your blog that really stood out to me was you advising avoiding and
limiting situations and relationships that drain you. I have had
previous issues where I just couldn't take it anymore. I blew up and had to
leave my parents place. I've tried to explain to certain friends what
bothers me so much about my parents. Only a couple understand. Now, I have
an easier way to explain it. Living with them absolutely drains me. I feel
I just have to get out of here to continue my quest of self-awareness. What is your input? Josh
Jul 2, 2009 6:44 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
It's pretty clear to me that you know the next step you need to take in
life! And truthfully, it doesn't matter if your friends understand how
your parents affect your self-awareness, ability to live authentically, or
energy levels. The most important thing is that YOU get it (though it's
great to hear that a couple of your friends understand, because it gives
you support).
One important thing to remember is that different
people in our lives fill different needs and play different roles. That is,
one friend may totally understand what you mean about self-identity and
living authentically. Another friend may be your "tennis buddy"
or someone you go hiking with -- and talk about what's happening in sports,
with celebrities, or work. Another friend may be someone you volunteer with
or sit on a committee with.
It's the same with your parents:
though they may not be on the same wavelength as you in terms of goals and
dreams and self-identity, they are still important in different ways. They
play a huge role in your life. As you detach from them physically (by
moving out), hold on to the wonderful things they have offered.
No one person can be all things to all people, even his/her own kids.
So, now that you know the next step -- moving out so you can figure
out who you are -- what's holding you back?
