Marriage can be scary, but letting fear of marriage or fear of intimacy stop you from living fully is worse than getting hurt. Here's how to face your fears.
Fears are meant to to protect you, but fear of marriage or fear of intimacy stops you from living fully. Here are a few suggestions for dealing with the fears strangling your love life.
These premarital questions can also help you determine whether you and your partner are a good fit.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Counseling
Finding a counselor doesn't have to involve a psychologist or psychiatrist! It's talking to your rabbi, pastor, parent, or mentor. Finding a counselor can mean seeking a wise person to be real with. Facing fear of marriage involves figuring out if you have fear of intimacy issues, or if you're simply not ready for this step.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Honesty
Are you afraid of not having things to talk about in five or twenty-five years? Talk about that. Are you afraid of feeling suffocated, having kids, not being ready for a commitment, or financial burdens? Talk about it. The more you hide your specific fears of marriage, the bigger the fears get. The more you hide anything the worse it gets.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Reading
Do a little research. Go to the library or bookstore. Find yourself in those books, and apply the writer's wisdom to your life. Overcoming fear of marriage requires a little digging, both into the literary world and your own soul.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Premarital Questions
These premarital questions may help you determine whether you're really ready. Be honest when you think about and share your answers with your partner. Focus on not judging or condemning, but being vulnerable and open.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Time
Maybe now isn't the time for you to get married. How do you know if you're simply not ready, or if you're avoiding healthy commitment? Talk it through with someone you trust, be honest with yourself, and follow your gut. Facing fear of marriage requires admitting the truth to yourself and your partner, no matter what stage the engagement or marriage is at.
Facing Fear of Marriage: Already Married?!
Maybe part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is that people get married despite their fears and reservations. They ignore the hints in both themselves and their partners; hints that indicate addictions, irresponsibilities, abuse, untreated mental illness, and problems of all sorts.
If you're married and realized you're facing fear of marriage, get help. Go to couples counseling, or see a therapist on your own. Talk to someone you trust, like a mentor or pastor. Face your fear of marriage before it explodes in your face!
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