Too Many Choices Can Lead to Social Unease
When an Overabundance of Options Creates Discontent, Not Freedom.
Mar 24, 2009
It seems that as American society grows wealthier, and we become freer to pursue and do whatever we want, we get less not more happy. In an era of ever greater personal autonomy, choice, and control, what could account for this degree of personal misery?
Rising Expectations
As someone who studies social trends, and has written three books about them, I think increases in experienced autonomy over the years have been accompanied, stride-for-stride, by increases in our expectations.
The more we are allowed to be the masters of our fates, the more we expect to be. We believe we should be able to find education that is stimulating and useful, work that is exciting, socially valuable, and remunerative, spouses who are sexually, emotionally, and intellectually stimulating and also loyal and comforting.
Our children are supposed to be beautiful, smart, affectionate, obedient and independent. And everything we buy is supposed to be the best of its kind.
These rising expectations lead often to paralysis and are manifested in both small decisions and big ones. I have a good friend who makes going out to dinner a nightmare as he struggles to select a dish that will not disappoint him, and changes his mind repeatedly as his companions sit and stew.
And I see the college seniors I teach agonize about which of many attractive paths to follow when they graduate. I’ve learned to stop asking “what are you doing when you graduate.” Many of my students want jobs that will give them everything, and they expect to find them.
With all the choices available, we believe we should never have to settle for things that are just “good enough.” Emphasis on freedom of choice, together with the proliferation of possibilities that modern life affords, have, I believe, contributed to these unrealistic expectations.
Self-Blame
In addition, because we have all this choice, not only do we expect perfection in all things, but we expect to produce this perfection ourselves. When we (inevitably) fail, the temptation to blame ourselves is almost irresistible. And self-blame is just the kind of explanation that promotes depression when we are faced with disappointment or failure.
When people are asked whether, if they got cancer, they would want to be in charge of their treatment decisions, 65% say yes. Unless, however, they actually have cancer. Then only 12% say yes. People with cancer have experienced the awesome psychological consequences of being responsible for a life-and-death decision, and they don’t want that responsibility.
This is the paradox: Here we are, living at the pinnacle of human possibility, awash in material abundance. As a society, we have achieved what our ancestors could only dream about. We get what we say we want, only to discover that what we want doesn’t really satisfy us.
We are free to be the authors of our own lives, but we don’t know exactly what kind of lives we want to “write.” The “success” of 21st century life turns out to be bittersweet, and, I believe, that a significant contributing factor is the overabundance of choice.
