5 Steps to Building Resiliency
Facing Rejection & Bouncing Back After You've Failed
Resiliency is your "bounce back" factor. If you can face rejection and build resiliency, you're more likely to succeed at work and strength your personal relationships.
Whether you're asking someone out for dinner or requesting a promotion, facing rejection and bouncing back after you've failed is hard to take. Being accepted is one of our most primal and primary desires in life; being rejected is one of our most feared.
Building resiliency is about bouncing back after you've failed. If you can build resiliency, you'll succeed at work and strengthen your personal relationships.
Even when rejection isn't personal (for instance, you ask someone out for coffee and she says no because she's married), it stings. But the more you've been rejected, the more living you've done!
Facing rejection & building resiliency: taking risks
If you've never felt like a complete failure, then you may be protecting yourself and leading a sheltered, protective life. If you've never been rejected or had to bounce back after you've failed, then you probably haven't taken enough risks. Taking risks isn't a sure thing; there may be as little as a 5% chance that you'll succeed.
Taking risks may set you up to face rejection, but then you have the opportunity to build resiliency. The more risks you take, the more rejections and setbacks you'll experience – and the bigger and more exciting your life will be!
5 Steps to Building Resiliency & Bouncing Back After Failure
Coping with rejection isn't about protecting yourself from further rejection. It's about building resiliency or bouncing back to take another risk. How you respond to a resounding "No!" depends on your personality. Below are several tips on building resiliency; use the ones that resonate with you.
Building Resiliency
- Don’t take rejection personally. At least half of the time, rejection isn't about you. You may feel like a complete failure but rejection isn't always because you have bad breath, too many zits, or use too many verbs. Not getting the job or promotion is usually because someone else was a better fit due to experience, education, or skills. Feeling snubbed at a party or conference may not be a direct reflection on you. The sooner you learn that not everything is about you, the quicker you'll bounce back after failure.
- Get information. Building resiliency involves learning from your failures. Who won the position or promotion – and why? What was the tipping point? Often it'll be things beyond your control (and learning this will boost your confidence to take more risks). Ask for feedback and do a little self-assessment: what could you have done better? Do the same thing in social situations: ask your friends what your first impression is like, and if you're somehow setting yourself up for disappointment. The second step to bouncing back after you've failed is getting educated.
- Welcome new opportunities. Building resiliency involves being open to opportunities to try again. Take each new instance for what it is: a fresh start. Face rejection and refuse to let your past disappointments discolor your present opportunities. "Back in the Saddle Again," sang Gene Autry -- "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" wrote Dr. Seuss. Building resiliency is adapting to new situations quickly and easily.
- Be honest. If you feel like a catastrophic failure because you weren't hired or promoted, say so. If you're sad that your teenage daughter doesn't want to hang out at the mall with you, talk about it. If you're afraid to try again, say so. Building resiliency after facing rejection involves discussing the worst case scenario with your partner or close friend; you'll find that exploring it will lessen the fear. Bouncing back after you've failed is about being honest.
- Try again. The more risks you take, the more successes you'll celebrate! Building resiliency is about figuring out you who you are and what you want out of your life, and not giving up. Bouncing back after you've failed is about perservering no matter what.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." – Sir Winston Churchill
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