Body Image and Fear of Intimacy
How a Poor Body Image Weakens Relationships
Fear of intimacy is often exacerbated or made worse by a negative body image. Here's how to improve your body image and strengthen your relationships.
When you have a poor body image, you pull away from other people. You can't relax when you're alone with your partner – you may develop a fear of intimacy. “…those with a poor body image have more trouble developing intimate contacts. They may sabotage relationships before they start or before they become really important,” says Rita Freedman, author of Bodylove: Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves.
The roots of poor body image
A negative body image can develop from not being lovingly touched when you were young. Poor body images can also result from being criticized, neglected or abused. A bad body image is definitely exacerbated or made worse when you compare yourself to models and movie stars – or any family member, friend, or colleague you perceive has achieved and succeeded – and when you look at your own body, personality, and actions in a critical or negative manner.
Poor body image is often made worse (or a good body image is tainted) by the magazines, movies and tv shows that permeate lives in North America. We're surrounded by gorgeous, thin, perfect, happy, smiling images of perfection that we can't possibly live up to. Negative body image and poor self-esteem naturally increase because we compare ourselves to impossible standards.
Poor body image and relationships
Long-term, established relationships can also be affected by objectification and a poor self-image. Your appearance can become as or more important than mutual respect, honesty and open communication. If you’re afraid of gaining a few pounds, changing your hairstyle, or even going back to school or getting a better job because of what your husband or boyfriend might think, then your relationship may not be grounded in love and authenticity.
When your relationship revolves around your weight or your partner’s appearance, then you probably don't have uncritical and accepting perspectives of each other. That's not love, that's just lonely. Negative body image increases feelings of isolation and fear of intimacy.
Strong body image and relationships
When you have a healthy body image, your personal and professional relationships will be rooted in authenticity and honesty. You won’t be afraid to share your thoughts, feelings, and opinions because you know that you are more than your actions and appearance. You won’t feel insecure about talking to people you think are incredibly beautiful, intelligent, or well spoken because you know that they are human beings with insecurities and fears of their own – just like you.
Improving a bad body image
- Admit you can't read minds. The guy on the bus probably isn't cataloguing your flaws or counting your zits. When you're being intimate your partner isn't distracted by your cellulite – you are. Just because you feel self-conscious about yourself, don't assume others think the same way.
- Forget all-or-nothing beliefs. Just because your hair isn't perfect or your weight isn't ideal doesn't mean you can't highlight and enjoy your gorgeous eyes or long legs. You're not all good or all bad. Value who you are as a whole person, not just someone struggling with a negative body image.
- Focus on your passions and goals. Forget about your poor body image, imperfect skin, or big nose. Think about your dreams: do you want to write a book? Star in a play? Travel to Italy? Focus on the best parts of life – your adventures – and leave your negative body image where it belongs: so far behind you, you can barely remember it.
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