Nowadays, people tend to pay attention to their flaws, rather than celebrate their good points. Many magazine features, TV programs or help services are geared toward the identification of imperfections, and their subsequent exposure, analysis and improvement through makeovers.
Thus, it seems that the culture of focusing on the unacceptable may produce an unhelpful interest with fault-finding as opposed to asset-finding. This can mean if nine people pay a compliment and one person makes a derogatory remark, an individual may discount the positive statements and brood over the negative observation.
The Body Language of Low Self-esteem
- Negative body language – lowered head, poor posture, anxious or sullen facial expression, muttered speech
- Conversation – ungracious reactions to compliments, running oneself down, apologizing
- Self-centeredness – being preoccupied with oneself, seeing everything revolving around oneself, self-blaming when things go wrong, pleading for reassurances.
Unfortunately, these habits are unattractive in social interactions, and especially in close relationships, where partners are called on to lift confidence or boost morale.
Self-love vs. Selfishness
Self-love is an essential prerequisite of loving other people and being loved by them in return. The extent to which people care for themselves affects the energy and attention that is available for loving and nurturing others.
There is an important difference between self-love and selfishness. People who love themselves have the personal security, knowledge and skills to be able to take their place in society. Motivation is towards growth and reaching out rather than concentrating on defense strategies and safety.
Selfishness, on the other hand, involves feeling preoccupied with one’s unmet needs to the point where others are objects manipulated to one’s advantage rather than persons to be loved. Sadly, the impression often given to others is one of over-confidence rather than the opposite.
Body Language and Attractiveness
It is easy to perceive attractiveness in film stars at awards ceremonies - striding to collect their trophies with upright posture, dazzling smiles and gracious, loud acceptance speeches. It would be almost impossible to imagine the same people shuffling with uncertain steps, biting their lips, mumbling and apologizing for themselves. They are winners and behave accordingly. Less famous individuals may not be regularly receiving trophies, but they can still adopt confident and attractive body language. There are many good books on the subject of body language, and once learnt, people can give themselves every advantage of looking attractive.
Tips for Confidence
- Standing up straight, looking at whoever is talking and turn towards them. Good eye contact is an essential communicative tool. If looking people in the eye is difficult, then concentration on the bridge of their noses gives the same impression.
- Giving a person good feedback - a smile, laugh or a nod of empathy will show interest. Open body posture looks friendly, and appropriate gestures to accompany speech will add emphasis. Mirroring the body language of another person has a positive bonding effect.
- Attending to others, rather than worrying about oneself.
- Avoiding fidgeting and irrelevant movements.
- Observing correct space between oneself and the other person, as the situation allows. Standing too close can be oppressive. Standing too far away can be alienating.
- Adopting a pleasant, happy expression (when appropriate). Even supermodels look unattractive when they are grimacing or looking sullen.
- Wearing appropriate, clean and well-cared for clothes. Attending to personal hygiene and grooming.
