In remarriage, one or both partners may bring painful past experiences into the relationship. To make a remarriage successful, here are 10 tips for marriage after divorce
After divorce, people may be more cautious about marriage and relationships – which is why these tips to make remarriage successful are so important! Second marriages can a bit more difficult to embrace and enjoy freely.
"When you've been hurt, it's hard to let yourself be vulnerable again," write Steven Simring and Sue Klavans Simring in Making Marriage Work for Dummies.
Chances of Marriage After Divorce
If you're a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. "Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men," cites ScienceDaily in the article "Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship."
But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!
10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce
Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you're emotionally ready to be in a new relationship or remarriage.
Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don't repeat them in your second marriage.
Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.
Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. To build a successful remarriage, share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.
Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.
Start fresh. Build a successful remarriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don't let old ghosts haunt your new marriage.
Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.
Practice flexibility. If you've been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.
Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.
Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.
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The copyright of the article 10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce in Remarriage is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish 10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
the pain of divorce can affect u long. to get out of it remarriage is the
only option. divorcee
Oct 12, 2008 3:29 PM
Guest :
Let's call me Amanda. I've been married twice. My first husband "I'll
say Billy" told me at the alter after rings and vows were done
"Now you will see the real me" and I did. He lived at strip
clubs, bars, even his truck so he woudln't have to come home and then he
did when we were trying to "work" things out. But brought home
Herpres without my knowledment. Soon after we divorced. My second husband
is a great guy, but he's got a drug problem. His addiction has taking over
his life and now we're finacial screwed. I filed papers and go to court
next month.
You readers know this, I said I would never do it
again after # 1 and i did. I don't regret it, I just learned from it. But,
honestly I'm done now. Both were way too much for me to handle and I really
believe it's best Don't get me wrong I will always believe remarriage is
the best for both people but watch yourself and never fully trust anyone
nonworthy of it.
Oct 12, 2008 3:49 PM
Amanda :
BEing Divorced twice now, I think remarriage would be a healthy, new start
but I'm not interestd now.
Mar 25, 2009 5:51 PM
Guest :
Even with the higher divorce rate in second marriages...I believe that they
can work. It will take a lot of hard work and patience. Communication is
the total key. If you don't have it...your marriage will not stay alive.
I am looking forward to my second marriage soon after being divorced for 2
years. Yes, I am "scared" sometimes, but I put my life in the
hands of God and I promise my future spouse to always communicate and be
honest no matter how much it hurts or is out of my comfort zone.
Mar 28, 2009 8:57 AM
Guest :
I think the 10 tips for re-marriage after divorce make good, wholesome
sense and everybody should read each one slowly, and re-read to have it all
sink in. Would I re-marry after divorce? Initially, I though No, Never! But
hey, things change and I've changed and learned from my 1st marriage and
will be getting re-married this year. So, I think it's a go and it will
work out this time around.
Aug 31, 2009 11:41 PM
Guest :
hi,readers this is ruchi who suffered this stage after doing love marriage
and had a time of 7 yrs with each other but my marriage didnt work out.he
ditched me very badly.and now i cant trust any guy with whom i can marry
again coz marriage really require faith and trust.with my past i m
completely shatterd and would not be able to take any other
chance............PLZ GOD HELP ME
Sep 1, 2009 1:34 AM
Guest :
Remarriage must be for all after 2/3 years of marriage life with one wife,
as for life style we change all things we should change this also for both
gender, now I have 2 wives after divorced 2 out of 3 and going to marry the
3rd...
Sep 1, 2009 5:56 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
Hi,
Learning to trust men again -- whether you're going into a
marriage after divorce or just dating -- can be difficult! It takes time
and effort.
Give yourself time to heal. Figure out who you are,
what you want out of life, and what your view of a strong marriage is (this
last one is not as important right now as getting ahold of your personal
identity!). Whether your divorce is recent or years old, you need to deal
with what happened and why it happened, or you'll stay stuck. And being
afraid to trust men is no way to live!
I encourage you to get
more information, so you don't feel so alone and afraid. I rounded up
several good articles about relationships, marriage, and divorce on my
Psychology blog. You might find them helpful. To read them, just click on
my name in blue at the top of this page, then click on "Read Laurie
Pawlik-Kienlen's blog" on the right side. Scroll down to "How Do
I Overcome My Inability to Trust Men?" You can also find it in the
July, 2009 list on the side panel.
Also, consider seeing a
counselor. Sometimes it just takes a few visits with a professional,
objective, in-person counselor to help you learn new ways of thinking about
men. A counselor can also help you resolve your past and help you figure
out what went wrong. Then, you'll be better able and equipped to enter
into a new, healthy relationship.
